Fears Emerge over Bailout

Written by Judge Retort

Sunday, 5 October 2008

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"Oh, man. I wish the government would bail me out."

Fears are emerging over the impending bailout of American homeowners, who are short on cash, by the American tax payer, who it seems have more money than they can spend and more money than they should ever get to have.

The BIGGEST fear is with foreign governments who are terrified they won't get their fair share of American bailout bucks before American taxpayers regain consciousness and close their phenomenally generous and limitless wallets.

"I thought I'd have to rent all my life," says Jean-Luc Shack, a poor Haitian. "But now I get to buy a house -- on the American taxpayer! And my terms are 120% so I can buy wall-to-wall TV, and no payments are ever due!"

In a restroom at the UN, The Judge overheard a fearful government representative whisper: "What if American taxpayer says no to bailout?!"

To which, his savvy buddy replied: "Feh! Who they say no to?! Their representatives are in American Congress! Bah! Foolish American taxpayers! Most don't know who their representative is. Also would never call - too busy watching Oprah and sports." He rubbed his hands together. "They are ours!"

"Ok, cool down, Barack," said the savvy guy. "We have an afternoon rally at the American Taxpayers Association today."

"I'm cool! I'm cool!" Came the reply. "And, no gaffs today, Joe. You take your lithium yet? Here, take a hit off mine..."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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