John Cena To Have Sequel
WWE Superstar John Cena will have his chance to follow up on his surprisingly good movie "Marine" this summer. Shooting will begin on his next movie "Marine 2, Brokeback Marine".
Read full storySpace Race: Stars and Stripes to be replaced by Planets and Chevrons
San Ramon, California - (NASA Mess): The Dow Jones-quoted Chevron Oil Corp is up and ready to begin commercial mining operations of the Moon's Helium-3 non-radioactive isotope gas reserves by 2015.
Read full storyRon Weasley Caught in Backseat with Mother
On the set of his new movie 'Driving Lessons', Rupert Grint was caught in an embarrassing situation. Paparazzi took pictures of him and his 'Harry Potter' mom, Julie Walters in and odd predicament, in the backseat of the car they were...
Read full storyBush Calls for Release of Roswell Documents
Washington - In a move that shocked the current administration, President Bush ordered the immediate release of previously highly classified documents pertaining to the much speculated "alien crash" in Roswell, NM in 1947.
Read full storyBA herald dawn of new era in baggage losing
BA and airport partners BAA have hailed the success of their latest baggage losing technology in Terminal 5 at Heathrow today.
Read full storyMichael Vick to Promote Chelsea Clinton
In a surprising move, Chelsea Clinton has stated that she will be competing in DFC mixed martial arts.
Read full storyWater Bottles Officially Banned!
In shocking breaking news, plastic water bottles have been officially banned.
Read full storyFord to Release New Sports Car
In a shocking move Ford Motor Company is releasing a new gas guzzling sports car for 2009.
Read full storyLeona Lewis to launch album celebrating London origins
Leona Lewis, the first UK woman in 21 years to top the US Billboard Hot 100, has announced an exciting new concept album to celebrate her success.
Read full storyHarry Potter Cast Annual Seaside Trip
Today stars of the Harry Potter film series took a well earned rest from...what ever it is they do, by going on their annual trip to the British seaside.
Read full storyAlex Smith to leave NFL
Soon to be former 49er Quarterback Alex Smith is planning on retiring from the NFL to follow his true love, Broadway.
Read full storyHeathrow Terminal 5 chaos blamed on passengers
For years we have heard the mantra "Terminal 5 on time and on budget". Today this has been substituted by "Terminal 5 in chaos". And the reason for this turnabout - the old chestnut of baggage going missing.
Read full storyNFL Says NO to Hippies
In an attempt to keep the clean cut image of the earlier decades of the NF, league officials are preparing to rule on an anti-hippie rule in the NFL. Many players such as well known hippie Troy Polamalu of the Steelers feel this rule would be agai...
Read full storyGaping pussy whisperer has jaw put back
Locally famous 'Pussy Whisperer' Smitch Cumstein of County County, Idaho, Nebraska yesterday had his jaw relocated after it was swiped by 'Toot Toot', a 2 year old Siamese three legged cat of minor proportions, but an excellent Forward Defensive Stro...
Read full storyEnraged Older Actresses Besiege Tinsel Town and New York City Producers and Directors
"Spence's Movie Time...Spense knows Film!"...
Read full storyTata of India buys Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle
Tata Ltd., India's top corporate house has bought the Buckingham Palace and the Windsor Castle for an estimated £320,000. It is reported that the Queen rejected their initial offer of £270,000 as it did not reflect the true value...
Read full storyKobe to get Privileged Dick Award
Governor Arnold is to award the coveted golden penis award to NBA star Kobe Bryant in an award ceremony later today.
Read full storyRobin Williams and Wife Set to Divorce Over His Excessive Hair
Comedian Robin Williams and his long-suffering wife are set to divorce after she filed against him claiming 'irreconcilable differences'.
Read full storyGet lost Gordon - said the Queen
The British PM is reported to have got lost last night at the state banquet hosted for the French President Nicolas Sarkozy. In a television footage made available by TV X, the Queen can be heard saying to Princess Anne "Where on earth has that Scott...
Read full storyBaseball Is Getting A Much-Needed Facelift - Solomon
The MLB announced today major changes to America's favorite past time.
Read full storyDaniel Day Lewis and M Night Shamalyn to make Another Another 48 Hours
Heavyweight film actor Daniel Day Lewis and spaced out director M Night Shamalyn are to make yet another version of Another 48 Hours, the sequel to 48 hours, which first united Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte together on screen.
Read full storyAnglo-French summit: French papers bewildered
Paris - (Zut Alors! Mess): France's newspaper editors have said they are flummoxed by the British pageantry laid on for their sitting duck president and advised readers to concentrate instead on the football (England 0- 1 France).
Read full storyRoadkill millinery sales soar as Camilla sports beaver-trimmed dead duck fedora
Windsor Castle - (Ass Mess): British couturiers are thronging to countryside game suppliers to pillage supplies of this season's dernier-cri fashion accessory, the barely-dead roadkill hat trim.
Read full storyChina Promises Democracy if Axl Rose Releases Album
Earlier this week, Dr. Pepper set forth a challenge to Axl Rose and the new crew of Guns 'n Roses: Release Chinese Democracy this year and everyone in the country gets a free Dr. Pepper (Slash and Buckethead not eligible to receive free...
Read full storyShannon takes on Madeleine
In blatant plagiarism Terence Cloth reports that the British hide and seek champion, Shannon Matthews, is trying for European glory.
Read full storyRed Arrows To Be Replaced By Red Bull Flyers
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced that the world-famous Red Arrows aerobatic team will not be representing the elite of British teamwork at the opening of the London Olympics in 2012.
Read full storyManchester United To Change Name
Today the owners of the failing Manchester United were at a loss after the decline of fan support. After the loss of superstar David Beckham Manchester United ticket sales have plummeted like Prince Charle's pants during Camilla's monthly.
Read full storyCongressional Junket to Iraq on Eve of Destruction!
The US Justice Department decided to probe Congress persons' junkets to planned war sites instead of investigating torture, fantasy WMD's, destroyed intelligence emails and countless other Bushit during the Bush years.
Read full storyRepubs Found in Pubs again and again!
Losing miserably in fundraising, voter enthusiasm and candidate recruitment US Republicans are putting the pub back in the GOP's grand old name.
Read full storyUS Arms Supplier Sends Blunderbusses to Afghanistan
In a too bad to be true replay of Arthur Miller's Wartime play, All My Sons, an arms scandal has broken out Afghani conflict. The US army contracted with a fledgling munitions company whose real business was the sale of antique rifles at southern...
Read full storyHomeland Security Invades Detroit
The Department of Homeland Security went to Detroit and raided an Al-Qaline sympathy group huddled inside Comerica Park. "The Al Qaline sympathizers were relatively easy to spot," a Homeland Security spokesperson said. "They all wore shirts wit...
Read full storyWhite House Sponsors Contest to Find a Purpose for the War in Iraq
Washington, D.C. World War I was "The War to End All Wars", and World War II was "The War to Make the World Safe for Democracy....More-or-Less, Some of the Time". Now the White House has challenged classes of hig...
Read full storyUS Accidentally Ships Missile Parts to Taiwan, Accidentally Ships Back Money
Last week the Pentagon discovered a mistake that took place 2 years ago involving a shipment of fuses for intercontinental ballistic missiles to Taiwan. News came of this just minutes after relations between China and Taiwan became heated.
Read full storyPrayPal apologizes to nudists
The Christian financial company PrayPal has apologized to nudists everywhere. PrayPal had barred anyone selling photos of naked people from using its services. "Naked images are ungodly," said its website. "All those Renaissance paintings of the...
Read full storyNo More Midget in a Red Hat?
(Based on a story about a 'creepy gnome' terrorizing a small town in Argentina) Source: The Sun (UK)...
Read full storyAshley Tisdale Pregnant By Outer-space Aliens
It has been reported that, starlet, Ashley Tisdale had been abducted by aliens. "Ash is not pregnant with my child," heartthrob Zac Efron states. "She was abducted by one of the aliens they were using to film her new movie. The little guy got a li...
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