BA herald dawn of new era in baggage losing

Funny story written by Andrew Woodfine

Thursday, 27 March 2008

image for BA herald dawn of new era in baggage losing
BA blames "credulous cretins" for visiting it's new house of horrors

BA and airport partners BAA have hailed the success of their latest baggage losing technology in Terminal 5 at Heathrow today.

Speaking to reporters BA spokesman John Milk said, "We have a long and proud track record in losing customers baggage however technological restrictions have meant not all passengers have had the same experience in baggage misdirection. Thanks to major investments by both BA and our friends at the BAA we can guarantee a level playing field in turning up in LA without so much as a change of pants for all our clients."

Demonstrating the system to reporters Milk explained how baggage is first sorted by a series of laser scanners in order of value and then assigned for rifling according to the seniority of the baggage handlers. Once relieved of any valuables small enough to get through airside security baggage is then transported by high-tech automated conveyors to Harwich, where it is loaded into the hold of an Indonesian freighter stopping at Rio de Janeiro, Auckland and Cape Town before finally dumping the baggage in a holding area in Dubai's free trade zone around 4 months later.

Passengers welcomed the new system as a breath of fresh air compared to the old fashioned "will they/won't they steal my camera and send my luggage to Paris Charles de Gaulle" system. Martin Crunch, flying to Washington Dulles on business was very impressed with the new technology, explaining that "Before I just had this nagging feeling it might be me that has essential business documents sent to Hong Kong when I'm in Canberra, now I know that fellow travellers have the same 100% chance of their luggage disappearing into the ether for the best part of a year I can just relax and enjoy the flight."

BA have promised that their investment will continue and hope next year to introduce a new automated system which sends both baggage and travellers to the wrong destination, allowing for hilarious global "relative hunts" by concerned family members.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more