Manchester United To Change Name

Written by Bruno Murphy

Thursday, 27 March 2008


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Today the owners of the failing Manchester United were at a loss after the decline of fan support. After the loss of superstar David Beckham Manchester United ticket sales have plummeted like Prince Charle's pants during Camilla's monthly.

Worry started to breakout in the organization about cutbacks and layoffs. The owner stated, "We had to do something to get ticket sales with the women fanbase. We had to think of the people who have worked in this organization for most of their professional lives and we couldn't just kick them out onto the street."

The owners spent many hours at their local offices, Titties 4 Goals, trying to find an answer to their limp ticket sales. After the attempts of total failure ideas like All Nudist, bang Prince William's last hoochie, or Karaoke games, the idea of a name change was brought up, "We tried to think of an original name that could be used, but nothing brought up the idea of a winning dynasty. The only thing we could do was pay a lot of euro's into the cayman island account of the owner of the new name."

So fan's of Manchester United look forward to supporting your new Manchester New England Patriots. No matter what can be said about last year the name New England Patriots is pretty much equal to winning, "We had to come up with something better than the Manchester Bangers," a source was quoted at a press conference.

After hammering out the name change the British Patriots went to work trying to garner Mr. Brady to play for them as well. It didn't go so well when Mr. Brady was finally reached about attempting to become a dual sport athlete,"M#@^%R F@%#$R!, I'm straight and play mans sport REAL FOOTBALL!!"

So the long hunt for a replacement was initiated. After many minutes of searching a male model was paid 20 million euros to change his name to Tom Brady and appear in the European version of PlayGirl. Nobody thought it would work out as well as it has, but ticket sales have shot up like an 95 year old on viagra. Manchester New England Patriots has proven the old adage was correct. Sex sells.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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