In blatant plagiarism Terence Cloth reports that the British hide and seek champion, Shannon Matthews, is trying for European glory.
This task may well prove difficult though as the current European champion, Madeleine McCann, has still yet to be found.
"I want that posh jock birds record, and I will do all I can to get it." Shannon said on the day she was found.
Since being found and being taken to a police station in West Yorkshire, Shannon has disappeared once more.
Shannon's 12 year old step-dad said: "We is well proud of Shans, and as soon as I have finished me homework I am gonna make a banner saying so."
Portuguese police have gone on to confirm that Madeleine is still missing and the lead detective would be making an announcement as soon as he had finished walking his guide dog.
