Orlando Bloom Still Lost at Sea
In entertainment news, actor Orlando Bloom's career is still lost. Search and Rescue teams are about to give up hope. It would seem that Mr. Bloom's career followed Wil Turner to Davey Jones' Locker.
Read full storyBrown aide admits human/animal embryo plan backfired
A senior aide to the Prime Minister admitted that his plan to shake off his dour image and prove he had a sense of humour by authorising the creation of animal-human freak creatures has backfired.
Read full storyBastards Reunited Requests Sports Schedules
Bastards Reunited, an organization attempting to match parents with their illegitimate children which was reported on by Carina Eta previously, is going after new source material. Knowing the propensity for professional athletes to pick up various wo...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Plans Inaugural Ball
Calling it her "Coronation Ceremony," Hillary Clinton has announced preliminary plans for her Inaugural Ball after her self-expected election to the White House in the U.S. Presidential race. In an "It's My Party" attitude pr...
Read full storyBritish Army admit isolated incidents of poetry in Iraq
The British Army has had to admit that some of its personnel have been involved in acts of poetry whilst serving in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Read full storyTony Blair and Cherie release lovers guide DVD for catholics
Tony Blair and his wife, Cherie, have a released a lovers' guide DVD. The documentary, which they both wrote and star in, shows them demonstrating a number of sexual positions that allow maximum sensation but minimise the risk of conception.
Read full storyEaster solution sought over marshmallow chick embryo vote
Health Secretary Big B. Johnson has said an "accommodation" will be reached for MPs who are opposed to parts of a controversial embryo research bill.
Read full storyPOLL: 78% of Florida Dems Planning Move to North Carolina
AP, SARASOTA -- Citing feelings of being disenfranchised, 78% of Floridian democrats are planning to move to North Carolina before the primary of the 'First in Flight' State, according to a recent AP poll.
Read full story1970s radical back in custody; Patty Hearst furious
Convicted urban-terrorist-turned-housewife Sara Jane 'Soliah' Olson is back in custody after a 'woops' clerical error caused the California Dept of Corrections to incorrectly calculate her release date, a CDC spokesman said to...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson can't drive!
Jeremy Clarkson has admitted today, that he never passed his driver's test. The broadcaster and TV presenter, from Oxfordshire, told the press this morning, that he failed his exam.
Read full storyHilary Clinton is a man!
A new headline, sweeping the US, is that presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton, is actually a man. This shocking story was revealed by his husband, Bill after Bill and Hilary had a massive argument. Turns out Bill is a bit jealous of him.
Read full storyA Dead Dr. Seuss Leaves Style That Inspires Students To Learn History
Well, with all the sex scandals and other crap circulating briskly throughout the whole U.S., an enterprising scholar/writer has seized upon our childhoods to get important messages across to our school kids from 3rd grade through the senior year of high school.
Read full storyCliff Richard and Hazel Blears - Secretly dating
Diminutive politico Hazel Blears is said to be in a secret relationship with Elvis Presley impersonator, Cliff Richard.
Read full storyDian Fossey and Jane Goodall Once in Love Triangle
Dian Fossey studied gorilla activities in Africa and was murdered in 1985 for her efforts to protect gorilla populations. Jane Goodall has studied chimpanzee populations and groups since the 1960s in the African wild. This publication has just lear...
Read full storySean Connery to run as SNP candidate
Actor of note Sir Sean Connery is to run as a candidate for the Scottish National Party. He is a patriotic Scot and a supporter of Scottish devolution.
Read full storyGiant Robot Destroys Downtown Tokyo
The citizens of Tokyo were trying to come to terms with the latest attack of a giant robot, which destroyed the city's underwear vending machine district.
Read full storyPope's Easter Message Condemns USA, Israel
VATICAN CITY (FMLiveWire) - Pope Benedict condemned the hatred and violence of the warmongering Americans and Israelis in his Easter message on Sunday.
Read full storyDig it
Following on from news that his lyrics are under-attack, Robbie Williams has been banned from his favourite pastime, Gardening.
Read full storyBill Gates dumps Charles charity after vice cops' tip-off
London - (Ass Mess): A very red faced Bill Gates has pulled out prematurely from the Prince's Truss - the official money laundering organ of the Pretender to the Puppet Throne - after a tip-off from UK vice cops.
Read full storyGraham Norton Finds Oliver!
Graham Norton host of 'Id Do Anything' gives an exclusive 'One Final Confession' to Father Ted.
Read full storyMelted Faces healing quickly
Recently released medical records from the 1930's have revealed that the melted faces seen at the end of the Indiana Jones and the Raider's of the Lost Ark document healed quickly, and were not fatal, as had been first thought.
Read full storySherlock Holmes - Real life father of Eamonn
In the last ever romantic thriller written by Barbara Cartland, it is sensationally revealed that fictional detective Sherlock Holmes is in actual fact the real life Father of cuddly TV host, Eamonn Holmes.
Read full storyMcCain Supports Feudal System
John "Son of Cain" McCain, sure shot Repub candie for President in 2008 has supported the Five Year Fiasco in Iraq that was for the wrong reason and has swallowed up the lives of 4,000 US soldiers and 100,000's Iraqi's. He is ready...
Read full storyDingleberry Shaped Like The Pope's Nose Sells for Thousands on E-Bay
Genevieve Ass-Scratcher of Hopalong-on-Avon found a dingleberry that had a particular and curious shape.
Read full storyAdmiral Willie Fallon Gets His Willie Whacked Off
Admiral Willie Fallon, former US military head of operations for the Middle East colonies, suddenly resigned from that post without explanation from the Pentagon, the Square or the Rhombus.
Read full storyWhite House Says: Old Hard ONS Gone!
With judges breathing down the necks of White House IT techs in search of the millions of possible lost emails, the White House revealed that old hard ONS (official nomenclature systems) have been discarded.
Read full storyJordan's career nosedive.
Womens magazines "Reveal" and "Closer" have made the shock announcement that they will not be featuring Jordan (Model with formerly big tits and perma-tan) on the front covers of next week editions.
Read full storyDoublemint Twins Spell Double Trouble for Spitzer in Sting Operation
It seemed that something other than a double pleasure awaited Elliot Spitzer at room 222 of the New York Hilton yesterday evening.
Read full storyWinona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again
The former child star and Oscar nominated actress Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting again. This time, it was make-up from a Hollywood drug store (her previous shoplifting conviction was for $5000 worth of clothes). No charges will be filed agains...
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