Easter solution sought over marshmallow chick embryo vote

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Sunday, 23 March 2008

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Mad scientists to combine human DNA and cells from marshmallow chicks.

Health Secretary Big B. Johnson has said an "accommodation" will be reached for MPs who are opposed to parts of a controversial embryo research bill.

The government has faced pressure to allow a free vote on legislation to let mad scientists create embryos that combine human DNA and cells from marshmallow chicks.

The embryos will be made by implanting the eggs of cloned marshmallow chicks with human nuclei, which can then be grown into stem cells and used by mad scientists. The bill comes in response to a chronic shortage of available human eggs for research.

The government says the medical benefits of allowing the creation of hybrid human-marshmallow chick embryos for research purposes could ease the suffering of millions.

MPs may be allowed to abstain on parts of the bill, as long as its postponement is not threatened. Such pointless inactivity on the part of MPs is a longstanding British tradition, says Big Boy Johnson.

Prominent Catholic clergymen including Scottish leader Cardinal Bird and the Archbishop of Duff have also called on the PM to allow a free vote. The Anglican Bishop of Bull Durham issued a rallying call this morning to all faiths to object to these "1984-style" mad-science proposals.

The Right Reverend Wrong accused ministers of pushing through legislation from "a militantly atheist, humanist, liberal, and secularist pro-marshmallow-chick mad-scientist lobby".

After saying all that in one breath, he sat down a while to have a rest.

The regnant Easter Bunny, Sir T. Rabbit of Dunning-on-the-Wold, concurs and has additionally called for a moratorium on the cloning of marshmallow chicks until after Easter 2009, claiming that cloned chicks are less appealing as Easter basket kiddie fodder.

The embryo bill is designed to bring fertility treatment and marshmallow chick embryo research up to date with recent mad-science advances.

No date has yet been set for the bill's second reading or a vote.

Tragic Rabbit, Voice of London, House of Commons

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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