Paris Hilton in Crack-In-Arse Scandal
Paris Hilton today revealed that she has a crack in her arse.
Read full storyTony In Tears Because The Middle East Doesn't Like Him
Tony Blair, self-appointed 'peace envoy' to the Middle East, was today close to tears as it was revealed that his planned trip to Gaza has been cancelled due to a security threat against him.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Gets Night Job
Trying to defray her left over $20 million campaigm dept, Hillary Clinton succeeded in obtaining a night job as an usherette at a movie house in Chappaqua, New York. Similar to her campaign, Hillary will continue wearing pantsuits, (in movie house m...
Read full storyBirkhead UFO-proofs Dannielynn nursery after ominous Elaine T Marshall-shaped craft fly-past
Burbank, Ca - (Alien Mess): Larry Birkhead has installed a titanium bubble over Dannielynn's nursery after an ominous Elaine T Marshall-shaped UFO was seen hovering menacingly above his Burbank home.
Read full storyBig Brother Belinda Falls Off Bike And Demolishes It
Big Brother Belinda, who has the fattest legs ever seen on the Channel 4 show, was today taking part in a Tour de France shopping task, when she fell off a stationary bike and demolished it.
Read full storyResarch chemist finds cure for no known disease
Professor Ivor Prescripton, a research chemist from the University of Nowhere, has found a cure for no known disease.
Read full storyStan Gelbaugh Announces he will not accept Vice Presidency
Oakland, CA (CNN) - 83-year-old homeless man, Stan Gelbaugh, loudly proclaimed today that he will not be Barack Obama's Vice Presidential candidate. "Not only will I not accept the Vice Presidential post I won't be traveling to Iraq with...
Read full storyNew Radiohead video to be filmed without music
Following on from their groundbreaking video 'House of Cards' which was shot entirely without cameras, Radiohead have announced their next video 'That's just noise' will be filmed without music.
Read full storyComplusory exorcism for Miss Universe contestants after second Miss USA hexed
Vietnam - (Bananaskin Mess): Future contestants in the Miss Universe pageant will be offered a state-of-the-art hex detox after Miss USA sponsors complained their luscious lovely's ass-over-tit tumble on the catwalk was the result of an ongoing c...
Read full storyBarnsley accountant develops fool-proof method for winning lottery
Reginald Hormone, a part-qualified - well one of his arms is the part that is qualified - accountant from Wombwell, near Barnsley has today announced a fool-proof system he has developed for winning the UK National Lottery.
Read full storyNASCAR Angers Mathematicians
When NASCAR, the U.S. auto racing federation, announced last year that all drivers would be required to earn a Ph.D. by 2014, in addition to the physical exam requirements, the news made little fanfare.
Read full storyBritain goes uniform mad!
As part of the ongoing celebrations of 100 years of the Territorial Army, millions of UK soldiers have been turning up to their day jobs spreading fear and chaos among civilians. On this special day Prime Minister, Gorgon Browne who doesn'...
Read full storyObama Smears Obama
(CNN) - The Obama campaign has issued a complaint regarding Barack Obama's smearing of Barack Obama during Barack Obama's interview on Larry King Live. During the interview Barack Obama stated "…ultimately, the buck stops with me".
Read full storyMax Mosley behind launch of Gates McFadden-lookalike inflatable S&M Doll
London - (Depraved Ass Mess): Nazi orgy nutter Max Mosley is believed to be the backer behind the launch of a new inflatable S&M Barbie Doll which bears an uncanny resemblance to Gates McFadden, the firey-haired Star Trek Generations actress...
Read full storyGods of Seduction
In Greek mythology, Peitho, a female, was the goddess of persuasion and seduction; now, men, like Ross Jeffries, are the gods of seduction. In the past, brave, down-to-earth men were the leaders of their societies; now, good-for-nothing hypocrites, sponsored by CEOs of large corporations, are in charge of the world.
Read full storyArnold Shwarzenegger Offers VP Serivces via eBay
(San Jose, CA) Internet auction site eBay confirmed today the authenticity of a posting by Arnold Schwarzenegger offering his services as Vice President to the highest bidder.
Read full storyAngelina's Newborn Twins Marry Each Other
Padua Italy -- The newborn twins of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie married each other in a bizarre wedding ceremony early today. The 4-day old twins, Knox and Vivienne, were paid $1 billion each for the wedding photos.
Read full storyQueen To Go On Strike
Queen Elizabeth the Second has announced her intentions to go on strike. It is claimed that this is the first time a reigning monarch has withdrawn their 'Labour' since King Englebert of Humperdinck in the late 4th Century.
Read full storyHammond To Crash Again
Richard Hammond of Top Gear has announced his intention to crash at high speed again. The diminutive presenter was involved in a near fatal collision after an encounter with a jet powered contraption.
Read full storyShot In The Back - The Snipers Story - The Astonishing Conspiracy To Stop Ronaldo
We can exclusively reveal that a former football manager turned character assasin has broken ranks from the corrupt underbelly of football to tell his amazing story.
Read full storyQueen To Have Sex
Buckingham Palace have announced that the Queen intends to have sex with her husband Prince Phillip on a date yet to be confirmed.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Endorses John McCain
15-year-old Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus announced today that she endorses Arizona Senator John McCain to be the next president of the United States.
Read full storyMax Mosley's Grand Prix Displayed for All to See!
In the privacy trial that has taken great pains to reveal every detail of the personal life of Motor Crossing's Overseer, Max Mosely, the judge will soon be deciding whether tabloids had the right to reveal the wild sado-masochistic sex orgies of...
Read full storyTongue Orchids are Seducers , Scientists Say
Scientists agree that the Tongue Orchid uses it fragrance and pollen to attract bees who then help with pollination.
Read full storyFerret Protests Weird Human Behavior
North Dakota ferrets are dying of the plague. Well meaning scientists have been trying to intervene to save the remaining ferrets but perhaps someone should look at this from a ferret's point of view. Thanks to new technology the spoofvet has bee...
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