Rosetta Stone: "Old, Damaged and Poorly Packed". Furious Ebay buyer posts Negative Feedback
London (Reuters) - The art world was reeling today after the winner of an Ebay auction for the Rosetta Stone posted negative feedback complaining that the stone was poorly packed, missed pieces and was "not the same colour as the photos".
Read full storyCupid's Arrow Ricochets Towards Wallet
Rumors that Cupid Jones, known as CJ by his female counterparts, has an alleged twin brother have been confirmed by a maternity test which named Star Jones as his birth mother, early this morning. The two were seen holding hands as they left a New Yo...
Read full storyCustomer Arrested In Grocery Store Express Lane Violation
In Tucson, Arizona, ten items or less really means "ten items or less." Violate that law (only a store policy in most places), and you could go to jail.
Read full storyFilm School Guy Thinks He's The Shit
Looking over the list of Academy Award nominees, Upper East Side jackass and onetime film school student Kevin Schmidt proudly announced that not only did he see all of the films up for Best Picture this year, but every Best Foreign Film nominee and...
Read full storyFlossing "is like death"
A new study out today concludes that the nearest experience humans have to death is the act of flossing. The feelings of futility, angst and despair it provokes can only be matched in power by the total mental and physical shutdown the body experien...
Read full storyCopy of Great Wall of China to be built from Lego
To celebrate its 50th birthday, Lego, world famous makers of little bricks are to recreate a copy of The Great Wall of China, the only man-made structure to be seen from outer space.
Read full storyHouses of Parliament to be demolished to make way for car park
The Mayor of London, Ken Deadstone, has slapped a demolition order on the Houses of Parliament as preparations for the 2012 London Olympics are already under way.
Read full storyVictoria Beckham's breasts to be used as new economic indicator
Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England, has announced a stunning new method that the Monetary Policy Committee will be using to gauge whether interest rates should rise or fall.
Read full storyPolitical Candidates To Attend Funeral In Utah
On Sunday, 97 year old Gordon B. Hinckley, President and Prophet of the 13 million member Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (known more commonly as The Mormon Church) passed away due to complications from old age. His funeral will be held...
Read full storyAtomic weapon detonation fails to distract people from Facebook
A 700 megaton atomic weapon blast in which over 6 million Americans died was largely ignored by the rest of the population, figures today suggested. The blast, centered around the north-western city of Seattle, and most likely detonated by terrorist...
Read full storyPope Opposes Seductiveness of Science
Pope Benedict issued a statement declaring that people should listen to their hearts and their faith and not to "seductiveness of science." The centuries old battle between religion and science has caused rifts with the Catholic Church for...
Read full storyFlat Chested Girls Sue For Federal Disaster Relief
An organization of small breasted women, calling themselves "The Young and the Chestless," have sued the Federal Government and F.E.M.A. (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) for not responding quickly enough to their medical condition. The ladi...
Read full storyGovernor Schwarzenegger reveals plan to steal money to solve states economic woes
Former admitted steroid abuser, body builder, actor and now California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed in a press conference today that the best way to raise money for the states foundering economy is to steal it.
Read full storyFears For Albino Skier Lost in Alps
Worried family members gathered at the foot of the legendary Matterhorn Mountain in France, Europe today as they waited and hoped that rescuers could find missing albino Austrian skier Petr Paleface.
Read full storyUntalented Fat Girl Sues American Idol
Beulah Robinson cannot sing. She admits that. She also tips the scales at 325 pounds. That she was dressed in a canary suit could not have helped her audition very much either. The hosts of American Idol went to far according to the teenager, how...
Read full storyBush to Burn in Last State of the Union Speech
President Bush's last State of the Union address is expected to be heavy on acrimony, blame and finger-pointing, and will likely avoid such touchy subjects as the economy and war whenever humanly possible.
Read full storyBritney Spears Net Worth Estimated at $125 Million
Accountants estimate that the net worth of Britney Spears, rumored to be running out of money, at $125,000,000. Sales of her photos, videos, albums, and signature perfume line are estimated to profit other companies about $400 million a year. If...
Read full storyPakistani Leaders to Honor Bhutto With Memorial
Leaders of the Pakistan government have decided to honor recently slain former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto with a memorial. The former leader was killed by a suicide bomber/gunman a few weeks ago while campaigning to regain the office.
Read full storyNew York Giants Hire Jessica Simpson to Date Tom Brady
The New York Giants will meet the undefeated New England Patriots on February 3rd in the Super Bowl, the championship of NFL Football. The Giants are a huge underdog, having barely made the playoffs as a wild card team. They do, however, have a sec...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Creates Foundation to Aid Illiterate People Who Post Stupid Satire
In a rather curious but very bold development TheSpoof.com, a web site that allows writers to post their stories and/or editorials announced that they indeed had created a private not for profit foundation that would aid, as a spokesperson for TheSpo...
Read full storyAll Candidates Except Ron Paul Get Secret Service Protection
Today, in a surprise move, President Bush signed an order authorizing all remaining presidential candidates to begin receiving Secret Service Protection. All candidates, except for Ron Paul, will begin to receive the protection immediately.
Read full storyCalifornia Students In Trouble For Eating Pussy
High school students at a Southern California private school are in trouble with the local law enforecement officials and the school board. Thirty teenagers at the Chang Ki Check High School in San Diego face charges for violating both local law and...
Read full storySupreme Court Declares George Bush Winner of Florida Democratic Primary
In 2000, it took a decision of the Supreme Court to declare George W. Bush the winner over Al Gore in Florida, and recipient of the state's electoral votes. In anticipation of a close primary race this year (2008), involving ballot stuffing, vot...
Read full storyChurch divided on Jesus
Twenty members of a new, forward-thinking Christian congregation may decide to disband since they can't agree on an acceptable name for their church, or even how to worship.
Read full storyNow it's McCanns: The Video Game!
Hot on the heels of a movie deal and ongoing negotiations to appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show for a $1m, modern day heroes Gerry and Kate McCann have licensed a new video game.
Read full storyGlobal Warming Discovered On The Sun
Global Warming, a process much discussed in the Al Gore narrated film "An Inconvenient Truth," has been discovered on the Sun. Scientists with the Atmospheric Sciences Lab (ASL) at White Sands Missile Range (WSMR) have discovered that the...
Read full storyFrantic family search for Marlon Brando/Bobby Kennedy gay footage
Los Angeles - (AssoCIAted Mess): Executors acting for Chrstian Brando's estate have joined his relatives in a frantic bid to seize and destroy 1960s footage of the Oscar-winning actor and Bobby F Kennedy cavorting naked in a Bel Air swimming pool...
Read full storyJohn Edwards Is In The Kingmaker Role
John Edwards sits in distant third place behind Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in the Democratic Party Primaries. This position, however, could be his "golden ticket" to future success. If neither Clinton or Obama reach a 50% majority i...
Read full storyFCC Rules Butt Is Sexual Organ
The Federal Communications Commission has ruled that "the human buttocks are a sexual organ" in a landmark decision against the television show NYPD Blue. In a case dating back to 2004, the FCC fined the network $27,500 for each of the 52 television...
Read full storyMcDonalds Qualifications Will Only Be Valid In Participating Stores
McDonalds, the fast food machine, has reacted angrily to criticism of its plan to offer qualifications to members of staff, saying that any qualifications awarded will only be valid in other participating branches of its outlets. Critics launched...
Read full storyKevin Keegan has 'Strange Green Poo'
Kevin Keegan, the latest manager of one of the finest and best supported football clubs in the entire world, Newcastle Utd, is reportedly seeing the club doctor this morning after having what he himself has described as 'a strange green poo'.
Read full storyGnomes of Zurich $10 million Blair deal
Davos, Switzerland - (Rogue Trader Mess): Swiss protection racket company Gnomes of Zurich AG has hired ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair in a 18 month $10 million sweetheart deal to advise on interntional money-laundering and embezzlement opti...
Read full storyEminem To Change His Name To Something Less Conspicuous As A Publicity Stunt
Popular singing star Eminem, who was bullied as a child, is to change his name in a bid to break into the mainstream music market, and to attempt to shed his image as an idiot.
Read full storyBritain No Longer "A Nation Of Shopkeepers"
An official European Union statement released today shows that, in Europe, Britain is no longer regarded as "a nation of shopkeepers", but is, instead, thought of more as "a nation of shoplifte...
Read full storyJohn McCain Vows to Be a "Brainless Bush Monkey"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- John McCain, the Republican presidential candidate who sang "Bomb bomb Iran" has vowed to be "a brainless Bush monkey" in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire. Like a good neoconservative, he is plann...
Read full storyMcDonalds to open new colleges of McEducation
Education and sanity both took a serious blow today as McDonalds announced not only an A-Level qualification but also new colleges to facilitate the new McStudents.
Read full storyAl Sharpton Files Racial Discrimination Suit Against Self
Rev. Al Sharpton has declared yet another high-profile case of racial discrimination. This time he's pointing his finger at himself.
Read full storyPlumber Invents Revolutionary New Weight "Dropping" Program
A 46 year old plumber has recently developed what he believes will take over as the next "it" diet.
Read full storyDanny DeVito for Mayor of Blackpool?
Danny DeVito may spur major investment in English seaside town.
Read full storyHere She Comes...
They finally got around to crowning the new Miss America last night, after leaving Sin City, Atlantic City for Sinner City, Las Vegas. The winner was a nice young girl from Muskogee Oklahoma. They don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee; they don't take their trips on LSD. They also don't burn their draft cards down on Main Street. They like livin' right, and bein' free.
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