Written by Potski

Monday, 28 January 2008

image for McDonalds to open new colleges of McEducation

Education and sanity both took a serious blow today as McDonalds announced not only an A-Level qualification but also new colleges to facilitate the new McStudents.

Examples of modules that make up the A level include: cleaning, speaking to customers, operating a microwave, looking happy when you are dead inside and resuscitating customers

The new colleges will be of a similar aesthetic design to the McDonalds "restaurants" that are particularly virulent in economically depressed areas of Britain.

The students will be taught in a similar manner to that of the restaurants. Students will be forced to cue up in lines where they will be lectured by a greasy 15 year old on the importance of personal hygiene.

McLecturers are being recruited from the "top performing restaurants" in the UK. Benefits of such a position are said to include up to 14,500 PA (Subject to PRP), a free McDonalds themed body kit to fit to your Nova/Escort/Punto and as much cheaply produced "meat" as your liver can process.

TheSpoof.com managed to get its hands on a leaked copy of the 2008/09 McDonalds Eggshamandbacon. Here is an extract:

  1. Complete the following sentence: "Would you like _____ with that?"

      a. Flies
      b. Fries
      c. Ties
      d. Pies

  2. A double quarter pounder with cheese is what percentage of your recommended daily saturated fat in-take?

      a. 72%
      b. 51%
      c. 96%
      d. 44%

  3. In Britain how many people die of heart disease each year?

      a. 50,000
      b. 180,000
      c. 90,000
      d. 20,000

  4. The annual staff turnover at McDonalds per year in the UK is:

      a. Under 10%
      b. 35%
      c. 50%
      d. 60%

  5. Which of the following words describes the proffered management style of McDonalds floor managers (you may tick more than one answer)

      a. Autocratic
      b. Oppressive
      c. Tyrannical
      d. Totalitarian

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Education, McDonalds

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