Marine Corps Commandant to Teach Other Service Chiefs New Tricks
WASHINGTON, DC - General James T. Conway, Commandant of the United States Marine Corps has been seen strutting the halls of the Pentagon with a cat-ate-the-mouse grin.
Read full storyRobert Mugabe forces opponent to eat elephant grass
Robert Mugabe, the butcher of Africa and the tyrant of Zimbabwe tied his opponent Simba Makoni in chains and asked him to eat elephant grass for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 21 days.
Read full storyNebraska - U.S. Court Says to 'Screw Electrocutions'!
It was a stunning upset for death penalty advocates today as the Nebraska Supreme Court threw out Nebraska's electric chair as a method for deep-sixing those sentenced to death, referring to electrocution as "cruel and unusual punishment.&qu...
Read full storyLed Zeppelin go down like their name
Leonine 70's singer of high notes Robert Plant has vowed never to perform in public with Led Zeppelin following a disastrous gig in front of an audience of Ewoks.
Read full story'Klitting' Grabs the World
To many people the word "klitting" evokes images of grandmotherly types wrapped in shawls, gently coasting in their rocking chairs as their nimble fingers fly. But those images are rapidly changing.
Read full storyAlex Jones Quits Radio Show
AUSTIN - A stunned radio audience learned late Friday afternoon that Alex Jones, the nationally syndicated radio talk show host, will retire from broadcasting effective March 17th of this year.
Read full storyWalMart in $25 million life-size nude Maria Sharapova blow-up rubber doll deal
Off the Wall Street - (Cute Russian Ass & Tits Mess): The City was in buoyant mood today following the announcement that WalMart Holdings has successfully negotiated a $25 million deal to the exclusive marketing rights of a life-size nude Maria Shara...
Read full storyOrgasms banned by UK courts
The entire population of UK was thrown into confusion today when the High Court announced that it considered Orgasms illegal. The news was all the more perplexing following the
Read full storyJonny Wilkinson sells his legs to sponsors
Jonny Wilkinson has sold the use of the visible space on his legs to sponsors. Following a conversation with boy racer Lewis Hamilton, Wilkinson realised that he was not exploiting the full commercial opportunities of his own bipedal global brand.
Read full storyAhmadinejad in crude deal to outsource floggings, amputations, lapidations and beheadings to Lambeth Palace
Tehran, Iran - (Sharia Mess): Bouyed by the Archbishop of Canterbury's return to Old Testament-style of religious realpolitik Iran's President Ahmadinejad is negotiatiating the outsourcing of his country's pesky Sharia Law punishments to...
Read full storyGrammy's Newest Music Award to Recognize Best Country Music Rapper
Officials announced today that for the first time in music history the burgeoning genre of country rap music would be awarded at the Grammy Award Ceremony.
Read full storyKnight sees the light, unretires
Tired of retirement after just two days, Bob Knight, college basketball's winningest coach, cited family reasons for his decision to return to the game and lead another head-in-the-sand program to the promised land.
Read full storyBush Endorsement Dooms McCain
CPAC - George W Bush urged conservatives to support the Republican Party frontrunner but, at the request of John McCain, declined to actually speak his name.
Read full storyGiant Tortoise found washed up on Cornish Beach
Walking on a beach these days, you can find almost anything; buckets, spades, motorcycles, chocolate biscuits, wooden decking, seaweed and even condoms. Much of these items come from an alarming rise in shipwrecks these days. Many of...
Read full storySharia Law To Be Introduced Next Wednesday
There will be major implications for the citizens of Great Britain next week, when British Law is dissolved, and Sharia Law is introduced from midnight next Tuesday. The architect of this disaster is the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams...
Read full storyCarla Brunei questioned over Rogue Trader links after Putin envoy arrested
Paris - (Merde Alors! Mess): A raunchy ménage à trois porn video featuring France's first lady Carla Brunei Sarkozy and ScoGen rogue trader Jerome Kerviel "screwing the French government, the Paris Bourse and the national oil compan...
Read full storyRingling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Circus Announces Britney Spears to Perform Dangerous Act
Officials with Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey, the world famous Circus has announced plans to hire Britney Spears. A spokesperson for the famous consortium of clowns, high flying trapeze artists, and animals from Alligators to Zebras proclaim...
Read full storyEverybody Loves Raymond Reunion Show To Debut In Fall
Everybody loves Raymond ran on television for nine seasons. The successful comedy series will make a return this fall in a reunion show that is a pilot for a new series. Unfortunately, it has had to be re-cast as none of the main stars of the origi...
Read full storyFan Warning: Details Of Rearranged Premier & Lower League Matches
Football fans have reacted angrily to the news that the English Premier League have decided to play matches on foreign soil, with many claiming they will give up supporting football altogether; others say they will still attend match...
Read full storyArchbishop Of Canterbury Carted Off To Nuthouse
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, has been taken to hospital following an interview yesterday on BBC Radio 4, in which he voiced the opinion that Sharia Law should be incorporated into the British Lega...
Read full storyChurch Basks in Glory as Archbishop of Southfork Condemns Williams Over Ten Commandments Gaffe
The Archbishop of Canterbury's claim that it's "unthinkable" that the Ten Commandments could ever be introduced in Britain today came under attack from his own senior clergy.
Read full storyStallWallScrawl - The MayJune July...October to February Collection
Larry Craig? You tap dancin fool!...
Read full storyObama Drives Dump Truck of Dirt to Hillary's House!
In a symbolic action worthy of the Jewish prophets, Barack Obama drove a dump truck full of dirt to the home of rival Demo Candy HR Clinton.
Read full storyCongress puts all else aside to focus on Roger Clemens
The United States House of Representatives has put aside issues dealing with the Iraq war, the failing U.S. economy, recession, falling real estate prices, global warming, excessive government spending and international unrest to focus on Roger Cleme...
Read full storyAskFrFred44giveness: Happy Chocolate Wednesday!
Dear Faithful readers, Here am I your very own Very Reverend Fr Frederick the Great Titslesin, back and better after a 6 month hiatus from a hiatal hernia and a bit of healing 4 anger resolution rehab (ANGRRR!)...
Read full storyGoat Chosen to Command British Sub
After revolutionary experiments involving goats and submarines, Her Majesty's navy has decided to appoint one of the goat experiment subjects to the title of admiral and promote him to commander of the HMS Satyr, England's lead nuclear sub.
Read full story"Washington Monument Needs Balls" - Bush
Most of the world upon gazing at the towering obelisk among the DC monuments have realized that a giant phallus rises above the capitol and is reflected in the long rectangular pond at its base.
Read full storyTaliban Declares 'Truss' In Pakistan
News services around the world got the story wrong this time by not being aware of the Taliban deficiencies in written English.
Read full storyWitty marquee saves thousands
DULUTH, GA - Fortunately for residents in an Atlanta suburb, a church marquee was witty enough to beckon the entire town inside where the populace promptly solidified their eternal fate.
Read full storyRon Paul's image appearing on tortillas now the most popular throughout the Southwest, even surpassing that of the Virgin Mary
White Sands, New Mexico - As Ron Paul continues to trail in the polls, followers now face the harsh reality that their man of great promise has little to nil chance of winning the Republican primary, let alone the 2008 presidency. Yet, they are showi...
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