Silly season for the Guinness Book of World Records

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

image for Silly season for the Guinness Book of World Records
Bigger than a car.

As news breaks of the World's Largest Potato, dug up in a field in Lebanon weighing in at a mutant 11.3 kilos, and looking as appetising as the Elephant Man's mucus, the Guinness Book of Records gets ready for it's busiest part of the year as record attempts aim for the 2009 book.

Khali Sumat, of Lebanon, dug up the mammoth potato during the international year of the potato, and claims he will now open an English fish and chip shop, if he can find any fish to accompany the huge quantity of chips he will be able to produce.

In Edgbaston, school children have gathered nearly thirty thousand socks to peg onto the longest washing line of socks, though they couldn't find enough pegs.

Researchers at the world famous book that regularly outsells the Bible and Koran, are kept busy flying around the world checking up on such record attempts. Recently they were in Porto, attempting to count the fourteen thousand Santas marching their way into history, and, at the same time, explaining to children who may be starting to disbelieve, how Santa can get around the world to all children in one night: there's fourteen thousand of him!

Ostrich farmers in Iran have made the world's largest Ostrich sandwich, though researchers suspect this will be broken rather quickly, on account of it's the only ostrich sandwich, whilst two surgeons have removed the world's largest uterus (3.2 kilos), though misogynistic researchers forgot to note down the name of the woman it came from.

"We've taken on staff for December," said Boris McWater, head honcho at the GBOWR. "Basically, if you need a job in December, you can either work for us, or the postal service. And we pay better. But we're going to need them this year. Midway through December, and we've already been to seven hundred attempts, a record in itself!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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