English Definitions for the Dyslexic

Funny story written by Rusty

Tuesday, 16 December 2008


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Warning: American readers may require the services of a translator!

Antelope (v): to run off with your mother's sister.

Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey.

Baptist (n): a junior hamburger chef.

Basket (n): a short nap in the sun.

Circumstantial (n): circumcision on a really big baby.

Collonade (n): fizzy enema.

Defence (n): something to sit on for people who can't make up their minds.

Diarrhoea (n) a very unattractive bottom.

Dictator (n): hilariously shaped, edible tuber.

Dipthong (v): to wash a lady's undergarment.

Diversion (n): Princess of Wales' version of the events that led to her divorce.

Dumpling (n): small lump of excrement.

Gastronome (n): small person prone to excess wind.

Harbinger (n): hard drinker.

Hatchet (n): small, bird droppings that fall from the sky.

Headband (n): top of the bill at a rock concert.

Hormone (n): the sound a prostitute makes when she's not been paid.

Hobnob (n): cooking accident often suffered by nudists.

Homophobe (n): strong dislike of The Simpsons.

Honeydew (n: women who regularly arrive late for appointments.

Induction (n): induced labour in a duck.

Innuendo (n): Italian suppository.

Intercontinental (n): person who has wet themselves all over the world.

Labiate (v): perform cunnilingus.

Laminate (v): to artificially inseminate a sheep.

Limpet (n): male who has trouble getting an erection.

Lobster (n): colloquial term for a female who ejaculates during orgasm.

Mantrap (n): sexual favour used by women to obtain money from men.

Mastiff (n): mass erections induced by watching pornography.

Menopause (n): break in conversation to allow men to get a word in edgeways

Minjita (n) (slang): an Indian lesbian

Misfit (n): an attractive young woman

Mislay (n): a brazen or promiscuous young woman.

Morbific (n): excessively violent

Multilingual (n): Engaging in cunnilingus with multiple partners.

Negligent (n): cross-dresser.

Ostentatious: Make and model of a pre-war British luxury car.

Outage (n): process of exposing a Gay politician.

Papier mache (v) : Father's had an accident.

Propaganda (n): a wooden support for one-legged male geese.

Rapscallion (n): Black, American spring onion.

Rectitude (n): Precise angle at which a rectal thermometer should be inserted.

Reflex (v): renew wiring to an electrical appliance.

Restitution (n): sanatorium for lactating women

Skullduggery (n): archaeological excavation.

Snuff box (n): slang term for a coffin.

Spade (n): Small surgical tool for removing ovaries.

Testator (n): a male who is constantly adjusting his genitalia

Titillate (n): delayed onset of female puberty

Titular (n & adj): Busty woman

Vagrant: (n): confused insect

Willy-nilly (n): male who continually catches their penis in their zipper.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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