God Selling Solar System on Ebay
Pearly Gates, Heaven (IP) - Our reporter has just learned that God is fed up with the Earth and the rest of the solar system and has put them up for sale on eBay. Shipping fees will be around $5.96.
Read full storyUnited Nations Demotes Peru to Town Status
United Nations, New York (IP) - The United Nations (UN) has demoted Peru down to the status of township. Asked why they had done such a thing the UN responded that they could not think of anything that came from Peru nor could they remember the name...
Read full storyPeru Attacked by Pluto
Lima Beana, Peru (IP) - Astronomy professor and noxious meteorite scientist specialist, Dr. Povenmire Finootch has been warning the Earth for months that the planet Pluto posed a terroristic threat to Earthlings. The planet had become extremely angr...
Read full storyMy close encounter with the Archaeologists who found the first ever Toaster
On a dusty, barren plain somewhere in the Middle East, I am travelling along a long dirt road, so long that you could be mistaken for thinking it was the Rolling Stones' career.
Read full storyNFL to Replace Foot Balls with Dogs
Atlanta, Georgia (IP) Ex-Atlanta Falcons quarterback Vick has been released from prison and has been appointed as the new head of the NFL.
Read full storyBritney caught trying to buy urine samples on eBay
Hollywood, California - In a desperate attempt to comply with her new court orders that she submit to a mandatory weekly drug testing, a condition of her temporary custody agreement, Britney made several purchases of human urine on eBay today. Eviden...
Read full storyPeru Worst City Ever
Lima Beana, Peru (IP) - God hates the Town of Peru. First he sent an earthquake and now a smelly meteorite. (What more proof do you folks need?)...
Read full storyAnother Dick Wins Big Brother 8
A disillusioned Danielle Donato watched helplessly as her daddy won it all, proving once again that only a real dick can win Big Brother. Dick Donato is only the latest in a long line of dicks to win the series, apparently paving the way for even big…
Read full storyO.J. To Write New Book, "If I Stole It"
(Las Vegas) - Ex-heisman trophy winner, ex-NFL running back, ex-sportscaster, ex-actor and ex-double murderer, O.J. Simpson, now charged with serious crimes involving illegally retrieving his sports and murder memorabilia, is reported to be working o...
Read full storyBank Of England Pumps Money Into Pubs To Ease Concern In The City
The Bank Of England governor Mervyn King today announced a massive U-turn as he confirmed that the independent bank would pump £10 billion into London Pubs to ease fears in the city.
Read full storyGlobal Warming Miracle!
An amazing new plan to end hippies moaning about the global warming swindle has been announced today. The UN has unveiled radical new plans today in an attempt to silence the organizations critics who are now holding meetings at least once a week to...
Read full storyFocusing on sexy
Researchers at the University of Florida studied what people actually look at when the objects are beautiful people reports the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Read full storyRichardson, McCain Win UFO Straw Polls; Ron Paul, Kucinich Second
19 Sep 07, WASHINGTON, DC, USNA-- The Paradigm Research Group announced results of its "UFO Straw Poll", open only to extraterrestrials, at the National Press Club Monday. Group members also lobbied to end the CIA's "truth embargo&...
Read full storyCheney Says Nuclear Strike Against Iran is Necessary
Vice President Dick Cheney said the nation must prepare for an inevitable nuclear strike against Iran. He said that if we do not strike soon, the Iranians will succeed in building nuclear weapons, which they might use in self-defense, in order to k...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens a "poster-child" for Disney corruption?
Washington DC - (Ass Mess & ReUterus): The DC mud-slinging between John Edwards' 2008 presidential campaign staff and Hillary Clinton haemorraghed into showbiz today with detractors of High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens slamming h...
Read full storyJonny Wilkinson To Be Sold As Scrap
It has been revealed to the spoof that Jonny Wilkinson - famed bone breaker - is to be sold as scrap. The former English rugby player has shown repeated signs of malfunctioning, and so his owner Brian Ashton decided to let him go.
Read full storyBritney slams Viagra inclusion on prohibited list
Los Angeles, California - (Ass mess): Britney Spears has slammed the inclusion of Viagra on the list of prohibited substances for which a Los Angeles County Court commissioner has ordered mandatory and random testing.
Read full storyDead snakes on a plane
Atlanta - (Ass Mess): A fifty year old Floridian Samuel L Jackson lookalike has been fined a record $8,000 after being caught flying with 30 dead snakes in his hand luggage on an flight originating in South Korea.
Read full storyJapan's Nuclear Capable Robot Fleet Doesn't Worry USA
Pentagon (VirginLand)- Following the "Light Shed On Nuclear Capabilties" news story a few days ago, a US defence department spokesman has commented on Japan's threat to build a nuclear arsenal of robots at the STUPIDCUNTS'07 summit.
Read full storyNew Tarantino movie on Lord Levy's 'hellish hounding' by cash-for-peerages cops
Ealing Studios, UK - (Ass Mess): Quentin Tarantino is being touted as the director of choice for a new movie about the "hellish witchhunt hounding" of ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair's former blind truss portfolio bagman Lord Levy.
Read full storyHellfire Club's Equinox fears for Labour Party Conference
Bournemouth - (Disaster Press): Hellfire Club grandees meeting ahead of the Labour Party Conference in Bournemouth next week are terrified that the Autumn Equinox on Sunday will see the realisation of their worst fears after a muted recovery by the a...
Read full storyRowling to ghostwrite Cherie hagiography
London - (Ass mess & ReUterus): Serial plagiarist JK Rowling has been recruited to ghostwrite Cherie Blair's hagiography under the working title Having Your Cake and Easting It!...
Read full story"It was Angela Lansbury all along", admit police
Police in America have admitted for the first time that a spate of murders committed over a period of 12 years from 1984 were the work of the same person. The serial killer has been named as pretend mystery writer
Read full storyPaul McCartney Rewrites Yesterday To Get Back To Heather Mills Today
(Queens--NY) Is it possible that even when Paul McCartney is fuming, he's still sweet? Or I it just sarcasm? Whichever, "Legs Away", new lyrics to one of Sir Paul's classics "Yesterday", is bringing out extremes of opinion on both sides of the Atlantic.
Read full storySir Minge Admits Liking Young Turkeys
In an astonishing confession today on the BBC's 'World at One', Sir Minge Camp-bell, sort of Lib Dem leader, admitted that he likes young turkeys.
Read full storyFlaming mad flamingoes attack Jack Hannah
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF - Zookeeper Jack Hannah endured a foul assault by a flock of angry flamingoes yesterday outside his home near San Francisco. The attack comes on the heels of an incident three days ago when Hannah became stuck inside a turnstile...
Read full storyRussians deny poisoning Peru with giant meteor
In what could have been the plot of a '50s sci-fi B movie, a giant meteor landed in Peru and local people and their animals started to fall sick. Eyewitnesses described a "fiery ball" w...
Read full storyHyperinflation is Good for America Says Ben Bernanke
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The chief of the Federal Reserve says "hyperinflation is good for America" in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyNorthern Rock charges customers for sweets
Thousands of Northern Rock customers got a shock today when an invoice arrived in their post for all the Liquorice Allsorts they were given by Northern Rock staff over the weekend. Staff had handed out the sweets to...
Read full storyPortuguese Police Investigating McCanns Hold Press Conference But Tell Journalists Nothing
In an unprecedented move, the Portuguese Policia Judiciara investigating the disappearance of Madeleine McCann held a press conference yesterday, breaking with the standard practice of leaving cryptic clues scrawled in the toilet cubicles of the Tal...
Read full storyCuddle Cat - The Most Famous Cat in Quantum Physics
If we learn something new everyday - then today we may potentially learn everything. The "Theory of Everything" (TOE) is now out of the bag - or more accurately out of the box...all thanks to a mangey feline called Cuddle Cat.
Read full storyBritney Spears' Career Found Murdered
In a shocking development that has rocked the entertainment industry and the world, faltering performer Britney Spears' career was found brutally murdered in a Las Vegas hotel room.
Read full storyCharles rumored to hire controversial new advisors
Rumors abound that the Prince of Wales is cleaning Clarence House after the general balls up surrounding the Memorial for Diana, First Wife of Wails.
Read full storyStar turn diversion for woebegon Kate?
In the latest sensational revelation from tireless Portuguese media, reports emerged today that Kate McCann is near closing a deal to play Roxie Hart in Chicago during an 8-week run at The Cambridge Theatre.
Read full storyJohn Kerry a Casualty of Britney Spears Taser Accident
18 Sep 07, GAINESVILLE, FL, USNA-- Senator and presidential candidate John Fitzgerald Heinz-Kerry, Demon from Taxachusetts, was critically wounded during a University of Florida debate last afternoon, at which Britney Spears, in part-time employment...
Read full storyJudge Speeding Toward McCann Decision
Portuguese sources today dismissed reports that it will take weeks for the instructive judge in the case to read the massive dossier submitted to him in the Madeleine McCann matter.
Read full storyPortuguese Police Seek Queen's Testimony in Latest Maddie Shock
Intrepid Portuguese investigators reportedly believe The Queen holds the answer to the mysterious disappearance of British toddler Madeleine McCaan.
Read full storyRev. Lennox Yearwood Arrested By Capitol Police
American peace activist Rev. Lennox Yearwood was arrested and tackled by Capitol Police for attending Gen. David Petraeus' hearing on the Iraq War. He was pulled to the side by police officers who saw a pin saying "I Love The Iraqi People&qu...
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