Paul McCartney Rewrites Yesterday To Get Back To Heather Mills Today

Funny story written by Ed E. Druckman

Wednesday, 19 September 2007


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(Queens--NY) Is it possible that even when Paul McCartney is fuming, he's still sweet? Or I it just sarcasm? Whichever, "Legs Away", new lyrics to one of Sir Paul's classics "Yesterday", is bringing out extremes of opinion on both sides of the Atlantic.

The new song allegedly rewritten by the ex-Beatle describes how Mills-McCartney's leg came unattached and how McCartney literally fell for her by tripping over the errant limb to form a union that was destined to last forever, if forever is more than two years but less then ten. The demo, for some reason recorded at Rich Sound in Queens, New York, made its way to Robert Novak, who posted it on iTunes late, um, yesterday.

"I don't know a Beatle from Atom Ant," sad the blustery Novak in an AP interview. "But I know a story that will get me some press and this is it." Asked if he would reveal how he obtained the demo, Novak became indignant. "What kind of journalist do you think I am?" Only to mollify with, "Wait, you're not going to put me in jail if I don't, are you?" After being told "no", Novak added, "Just as I suspected. My lips are sealed until the seven figure book deal."

Is it a love song, a hate song, an anti-amputation ode or all of the above? Unlike the O.J. trail (not the pending one but the one from the '90s), the jury is still out. Before crashing another Mercedes-Benz SUV, Billy Joel weighed in. "I've had my share of bad marriages. But after Christie and I broke up, I' never thought about writing a song like "Uptown Girl Won't Go Down." Noted physicist and rapper, Stephen Hawking, texted this response, "Clearly, my boy is hurtin'. And the fact that it's about her leg buggin' out, shoot nigga, ain't no thing but a chicken wing." Finally, a Beatle who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity said, "You know some times all you need is love, but some times a good lawyer doesn't hurt either."

Repeated calls to McCartney have gone unanswered. However, Heather Mills publicist, John Holmes, no relation to the adult actor, said, "Ms. Mills finds the song in bad taste and offensive. She wants nothing whatsoever to do with it, until she finds out how often it's being downloaded on iTunes."

Listen to "Legs Away".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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