It has been revealed to the spoof that Jonny Wilkinson - famed bone breaker - is to be sold as scrap. The former English rugby player has shown repeated signs of malfunctioning, and so his owner Brian Ashton decided to let him go.
"You could touch him anywhere and he'd need treatment," Ashton lamented, "We sent him for a healing massage and he broke every bone in his body."
Reports that Wilkinson had 'shattered his pelvis' after the female attention received in the aftermath of his world cup success proved unfounded, but nevertheless Wilkinson seemed to be as fragile as a Mattell toy.
"We made some good money from him," Ashton claimed, "His passing hands and kicking feet will be the perfect gift for amputees or even just as a treasured souvenir."
Thomas Briggs from London bought Wilkinson's collar bone at auction.
"It's great," He beams, "I'm going to use it to rest drinks on."
Jonny's former colleagues were shocked by the news.
"Wilkinson," ruminated Lawrence Dallaglio, "Yes, I remember him from years back. Big ginger fellow wasn't he?"