Hillary Clinton Survives Ten Rounds With Six Men In Las Vegas
Hillary Clinton survived ten rounds with six men in Vegas debate. Each of the men appeared wilted, stammering and looking for the exit. John Edwards seem to be standing at the exit ready to shoot off stage. Bill Richardson, who has issues with gaydom...
Read full storyQuestionable Songs Found On iPod
Brooklynite John Fortunato was unable to provide a believable explanation to his co-workers as to how a playlist featuring music by Ashlee Simpson, Clay Aiken and other gay shit wound up on his iPod Nano.
Read full storyIowa Farmer Vital to US Politics
HORTON, IOWA - After 28 years of farming corn, Walter Hosch announced this week that he's all done planting corn. "Over the years, I've made a fair living from growing and selling corn. A lot of my neighbors think that, with the rising d...
Read full storyLight Beer Does Not Make You Cool
PRINCETON, NJ -- A study conducted by the Sociology Department at Princeton University has determined that drinking light beer does not actually make you cool.
Read full storyNew ratings system to be introduced by the Lowton Brothers
Following complaints by many writers (myself included - I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder), those clever Lowton Brothers have devised a new system of ratings in which we can give the writer the relevant stars if they though...
Read full storyAlbert Kayda Turns Himself in to Authorities
NAUGATUCK, CT -- After years of believing there was a government conspiracy to make him a scapegoat for terrorists activities all over the planet, Albert Kayda, 53, has surrendered himself to authorities.
Read full storyUS Airways Keeps Newborn Baby
PHILADELPHIA, PA--The airline carrier US Airways continues to plummet in customer satisfaction polls.
Read full storyMan Eaten Alive by Gerbil
FORT WAYNE, IN -- Last night police found the half-eaten remains of Vic Reynolds in his second floor midtown apartment.
Read full storyGoogle Buy Australia
Internet giant Google has today bought the country of Australia for $6.3m, at least $10m more than what it is actually worth.
Read full storyFuzz Paint Foils Speed Traps!
The viability of speed cameras is likely to be put in jeopardy following the development of a revolutionary 'fuzz' paint. The paint, which is in the form of a clear lacquer, gives any vehicle a fuzzy, blurred appearance, thus avoiding positiv...
Read full storyHell Closed Down as Devil Goes Bankrupt
The Devil has today announced that his famous UK branch of Hell, Burning Brits, will be closing down in July 2008 after His Evilness went bankrupt.
Read full storyHer Majesty: Is The Queen Clean?
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has been declared 'unclean' and a 'dirty skank' by a magistrate after Prince Charles' diary was discovered.
Read full storyBumbling art forgers sent to art school by sympathetic judge
Three bungling art forgers were sent to art school by a judge who felt sorry for them. The trio of would-be criminals, all aged in their 80s, had tried to copy famous sculptures to make some money to supplement their...
Read full storyMexico Tells U.S. To Stop Harassing Illegals
In a stunning display of diplomatic chutzpah, Mexican president, Felipe Calderon, told the U.S. to stop harassing and demeaning Mexicans who illegally cross the border into the U.S.
Read full storyNations Asian Massage Parlors Raise Prices
In a decision that was expected throughout the Wall Street community, the nations Asian Massage Parlor Association (AMPA) announced yesterday that their membership voted to increase prices effective immediately. This will be the first price increase...
Read full storyKate Moss cleans out dealers for Davina's birthday orgy bash
St John's Wood, London - Ass Mess): "No wonder there's an effin' crack and smack drought in London this week," dealers at Camden's Whorely Arms pub complained today after being told every last gram of recreational d...
Read full story'Marriage to Winehouse Made Me Bonkers' as Flake Fielder-Civil changes plea to insanity
London - (Hideous Mess): Flake Fielder-Civil, aka Mr Amy Winehouse, has asked to change his Not Guilty GBH and obstruction conspiracy pleas to insanity after agreeing to a quickie divorce from his junkie wife and a £5 million pay-off.
Read full storyNorthern Crock chief to get House of Lords peerage
Shitty of London - (Insolvent Mess): Former Northern Crock CEO Adam Applecart has been nominated for a Life Peerage by Prime Monster Gorgon Brown after embezzling a record £24 billion of UK taxpayers' money to prop up the disaster-hit mobster slu...
Read full storyCops discover more corpses under Blair house of horrors
Trimdon Colliery, Sedgefield - (Ass Mess): Police probing the disappearance of scores of women from the 1970s onwards are continuing to dig up ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair's back garden at his former Sedgefield constituency house after two bodies...
Read full storyNew Study Shows Cellphones Increase Lifespan and Health
A new study from Sweden, testing 10,000 subjects, shows that those using cellphones for more than 450 minutes a month for more than 10 years, actually live longer and have less health problems.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Judge Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay Announce President/VP Ticket
Saying that current American Presidential candidates can't carry a tune in a paper bag, and don't have any fresh solutions, Simon Cowell has announced he and Gordon Ramsay are launching a new British invasion of sorts, running for the Democra...
Read full storyLeonid Meteor Shower Alarms Civil Defense Officials
Washington (IP) - The United States Civil Defense Agency has ordered cities across America to activate the anti-meteorite shield system.
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Birmingham NEC Performance To Be Used In Anti-drink Video
Amy Winehouse, the hard-drinking, drug-infested soul croonist, is to feature in an anti-drink video to be directed at juvenile drinkers, after her disgraceful performance at the Birmingham NEC last W...
Read full storyBank Of England To Print More Money Next Year
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has this morning announced in Parliament a plan that would see the Bank of England increase tenfold the amount of money it prints each year. Mr Brown said that many of the country's current woes were down to a lack of h...
Read full storyClinton Drops Out of Presidential Race
PLAINFIELD, NJ - George Clinton, a funk music legend and leader of the ground-breaking funk groups Parliament and Funkadelic, could no longer handle the stress of campaigning for the United States presidency.
Read full storyWriter's Reject New Hot Dog Offer
Despite a new offer of cut up hot dogs in tomato soup for lunch, the writer's guild decided Friday to continue their strike.
Read full storyBreaking News - Obama is Actually Osama
WASHINGTON, DC - To use a painting analogy, the Democratic Party is reeling and set to head for the canvas after learning there is a terrorist in their midst.
Read full storyNorthern Rock Chairman Resigns
Adam Applegarth, the chairman of under-fire bank, Northern Rock, has sensationally resigned.
Read full storyGovernment acts on Type 2 Diabetes
After months of reports of the failing health of the nation, temporary Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has announced that he will personally take charge of the new health strategy.
Read full storyPrincess Diana Death Crash Christmas Wrapping Paper Goes On Sale In Harrods
With only 38 shopping days left until Christmas, Harrod's today decided it was finally time to unveil the new range of commemorative Princess Diana Christmas wrapping papers.
Read full storyBernard Matthews To Offload Cut-Price Turkeys In Bird Flu Clearout
A famous Norfolk turkey supplier, has announced plans to offload much of its stock in a lead-up-to-Christmas sell-out bonanza, with turkeys to be sold at a fraction of the price they would have been if they hadn't been infected w...
Read full storyThe Adventures Of Anton Ferdinand And His Expensive Daft Watch
Anton Ferdinand, the West Ham United defender, and younger brother of ugly Manchester United star Rio Ferdinand, attacked a rival player leaving him deaf in one ear when a football night out went sideways, it has been claimed. The incident happene...
Read full storyPortuguese Police Arrest Fergus McCarthy
Portuguese police have today raided the home of the Irish social commentator and satirical news writer Fergus McCarthy, and have arrested him in connection with, what they say is, an "unspeakable crime".
Read full storyBulletproof Vests Go On Sale In Old Trafford Clubshop
Bulletproof vests and other essential lifesaving body protection equipment has gone on sale at the Old Trafford clubshop ahead of the FC Roma-Manchester United Champions League clash at the Stadio Olympico on December 1st. The move by the unscrupu...
Read full storyChildren In Need Cheating Scandal
Organisers of the Children In Need charity appeal are in hot water over 'cheating' claims, when it was alleged that not all children are in need.
Read full storyBush and Cheney Resign, Admit One World Order Conspiracy True, People Make Ron Paul President
After Al Gore released documents detailing the New World Order conspiracy, naming names, including all the skull and bones, Federal Reserve, Trilateral Commission, Illuminati, and Bilderburger members, Bush and Cheney have joined Gore in the shame of...
Read full storyBrown - Prison Reform will ease Overcrowding
Gordon Brown will announce sweeping changes to the criminal sentencing system next week in order to ease the overcrowding in Britain's prisons.
Read full story"Carb" bomb found in Thanksgiving turkey
The bomb squad had to be called in to examine a turkey at the "Shop Until You Drop" Thrifty Mart in Seattle today, after shoppers complained that the store's prize "Tom Turkey" was "ticking".
Read full storyBush - Death by Lethal Injection is Inhumane
President Bush told the nation tonight that execution of criminals by means of lethal injection will cease.
Read full storyBush Agrees to Immediate Iraq Troop Withdrawl
Today, in an unexpected move George W Bush declared he will be bringing the troops back from Iraq "immediately", citing insight from Tom Cruise and the principles of Scientology for enlightening him as to the "true powers of positive s...
Read full storyThe King's Christmas shopping list of insipid toys for youngsters you wish had never been born; includes The Freak-Show that is my country action figures including Linsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and George Bush
Just in time for the shopping season, Spoofwriter, King David has just come out with his list of insipid toys for youngsters that you wish had never been born.
Read full storyMan Travels Back in Time - To Prevent His Own Marriage
MIT Labs - The world's first successful experiment in Time Travel ended tragically yesterday when scientist Dr. Edwin Freedy returned from the past and reported that he had been unable to prevent his marriage to Nancy Freedy, his wife of 13 years...
Read full storyKyla Ebbert joins Virgin Atlantic; Richard Branson hires her as the airlines official fashion consultant to help with its carbon-offset program
London, England - When Virgin Atlantic's Richard Branson, invited Hooters waitress, Kyla Ebbert, to fly his airline free of charge, everyone thought it was just another of his brilliant stuns to monopolize on free media. Well, Branson may have ou...
Read full storyChildren in Need - Scam to fund Northern Rock?
The BBCs 'Children In Need' fund-raising programme ended in confusion this evening, after leaked documents suggested that high-ranking BBC officials and directors of the stricken Northern Rock bank had conspired to divert donations to an offs...
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