US Airways Keeps Newborn Baby

Funny story written by Zack Matheson

Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for US Airways Keeps Newborn Baby

PHILADELPHIA, PA--The airline carrier US Airways continues to plummet in customer satisfaction polls.

The latest American Customer Satisfaction Index even placed US Airways below a couple of airline companies that have been out of business for over twenty years.

Between the negative customer feedback and a flight attendant snatching a baby that was born in seat 8C on a flight between Miami and Philadelphia on Tuesday, US Airways appears to be in serious trouble.

"Look," said Rhonda Rollins, the baby snatching flight attendant, "The kid didn't pay for a ticket and more importantly the brat's mother didn't pay for a seat where giving birth was permitted. And the kid started crying. That costs extra."

Passengers on board the flight were shocked when Rollins took the unnamed child moments after Wanda Popeski gave birth to him and ran to the back of the plane, returning a few minutes later without the child. On an airline where individual peanut packets, drinking water, blankets, pillows, headphones, air sickness bags, using the lavatories and even hearing recited safety instructions played on the headphones cost extra money once boarding the plane, Mrs. Popeski attempted to be optimistic. "At least they didn't charge me extra to breathe the air."

After paying money to ask the flight attendant what they were doing with her child, Popeski was told that "US Airways was taking the baby" and the baby would be taken to a safe facility populated by children born on airplanes and kids left behind at airports that also doubles as a US Airways training center.

Mrs. Popeski was told she could see her son in fifteen years when he starts work as a US Airways baggage handler. Mothers Against US Airways (MAUSA) is planning a protest march against the airline that is scheduled for next week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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