Albert Kayda Turns Himself in to Authorities

Funny story written by Zack Matheson

Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for Albert Kayda Turns Himself in to Authorities
"Yeah, it's Al."

NAUGATUCK, CT -- After years of believing there was a government conspiracy to make him a scapegoat for terrorists activities all over the planet, Albert Kayda, 53, has surrendered himself to authorities.

"After a while it just got to be too much," said the soft-spoken Kayda, who worked as a janitor at the A&P supermarket. "Every place you looked it was Al Queda is responsible for this. Al Queda has blown up that. Al Queda is training terrorists. And so on. I mean I knew I was innocent 'cause I haven't even left Connecticut in twenty years but who are they gonna believe? I kept waiting for them to come pick me up but they never did. It's not like I was trying to hide or nothin'. I mean I was workin' here at the A&P the whole time."

Kayda said the stress of waking up every day knowing the government was after him just got to be overwhelming. Mr. Kayda finally surrendered himself to the authorities after hearing Katie Couric announce that there was a multimillion dollar reward for any information concerning the whereabouts of anyone connected to Al Queda. "That money will take care of my family for a long time," says Kayda, though he admits he has doubts that his family will see any of the reward money.

Ben Laden, 68, of Toledo, Ohio, is expected to turn himself into police tomorrow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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