FORT WAYNE, IN -- Last night police found the half-eaten remains of Vic Reynolds in his second floor midtown apartment.
Reynolds was the apparent victim of an extremely voracious gerbil named Stinky who belongs to Reynold's eight year old neighbor, Bobby Schlosser, who reported the rodent missing from his bedroom four days ago.
Detective Marlon Gannon said the attack was especially brutal and Stinky somehow devoured almost a third of Reynold's body. "That's one mean, hungry little motherfucker," said Detective Gannon. As for Bobby Schlosser, no charges have been filed against the boy, but his mother said Bobby will only be allowed to have goldfish from now on.
Stinky is currently being held for observation and questioning at the local Humane Society.