Perfume industry: Noses nullified by smog
Pollution has been wreaking havoc on so-called "noses." Perfume experts are losing their sense of smell.
Read full storyACLU Sues Itself
The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has filed a lawsuit against itself in Federal court. The lawsuit cites the organizations failures to hire minority candidates and seeks $500 million dollars in damages.
Read full storyGringo McCartney and Haley Mills name their solicitors
The worlds longest lasting marriage in show biz moves nearer to the divorce court today with both sides naming their legal representatives.
Read full storyIt's official: masturbation is gay
At a recent American Psychological Association convention, one seminar packed in more shrinks than all the others combined: Pleasuring Oneself in Today's Society.
Read full storyMarch 23, 1944 --Today In History. House Cuts Funding To American Troops In Europe.
In a shocking setback to the war plans of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, a rebellious House of Representatives passed the Pelosi-Bormann bill that will cut off all funds to American troops in Europe by September 1, 1944.
Read full storyAnna Nicole and 2Pac Seen In Amsterdam
(Assassinated Press) More than 20 male eyewitnesses, almost half of them sober, reported to have seen the late Anna Nicole Smith and even later, Tupac Shukar in an Amsterdam coffeehouse together last Wednesday night.
Read full storyTony Snow to have mole removed from his ass
Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): White House spokesman Tony Snow has said he is taking some sick leave to have a mole removed from his ass.
Read full storyDoomed cat exhibits reading ability, says owner
Tigger the cat got a new lease on life the other day. Owner Perl Gates explained, "He was never really nice. If you tried to pet him he'd go crazy and viciously attack your hand. But on Wednesday that all changed."...
Read full storyAnna Nicole Smith's Diarrhoea Sells on eBay for $512,500
Bahamas - (Ass Mess): A pile of old crap that once belonged to Anna Nicole Smith has broken all records by selling for more than half a million dollars on internet auction site eBay.
Read full storyReal Roxanne Wants Half Of Police Tour Profits
AP-(Queens, New York) The Police front man Sting may be splitting his 2007 World Tour profits with ex-hooker Madeline "Mattie" Spandoza.
Read full storyAl Gore Explodes
After viewing the David Letterman Late Show depiction of how Gore entered the capital to address the congress on global warming, - the top of the dome was cracked open, raised and tilted to one side, while a crane lowered Gore through the enormous op...
Read full storyNASA's Hansen Admits Calculation Errors In Global Warming Research
NASA scientist and Global Warming alarmist Dr. James E. Hansen shocked the Republican members of the Senate Environment and Pubic Works Committee, chaired by Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat: Peoples Republic of California), by admitting that all of...
Read full storyDiana Fountain spreading syphilis
Hype Park, London - (ReUterus): Some of the world's deadliest biological contaminants have tested positive in crystal healing waters of the Diana Princess of Whales Memorial Fountain.
Read full storyWayne Rooney Teenage Mutant Ninja Metatarsal
Wayne Rooney, it has been revealed today, recovered from his metatarsal injury more quickly than was expected, because he had the toe removed, and replaced by a spare finger he had.
Read full storyMySpace Enters the Presidential Race
In an effort to get involved with the 2008 Presidential Race, MySpace is featuring presidential candidates on its portal, terming it "The Impact Channel."...
Read full storyJane Austen Gets a Makeover, Sex Beats Sensibility.
Jane Austen's life is about to be a book and, naturally, the novelist will be appearing on the front cover. However the face behind some of the world's most-loved books has been deemed unable to sell them.
Read full storyJelly Farts
Ever have a colonoscopy? This is where you lay down on a hospital bed and they run a camera up through the rectum and into the colon. Doctors due this to check for colon cancer, hemorhoids, and other possible problems. If your answer is yes, you know where this is going.
Read full storyUFO lands in America
The astonishing news of a UFO landing on American soil has been confirmed by President George Bush.
Read full storyHow Many Mormons Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Author's Note: We have all heard the standard light bulb jokes. I wrote these for Mormons about five years ago and they have been e-mailed all over the place many times. I have even received it back from others, in several altered conditions with additions and deletions. This is the original.
Read full storyIf Beehive Clothing Sold Eternal Companions
By way of explanation, Beehive clothing is the name of the store where Mormons buy their temple clothing (outside of Utah, they are generally attached to LDS temples). They also believe that marriage within one of their temples is "for all eternity" and not "until death do up part." This short vignette, which can be performed as a reader's theatre or play, is based on...
Read full storyBroke Britney Begins Bankruptcy, Becomes Baglady
Oops, she ran out of dough! Pop princess Britney Spears has spent her wad and has no money in the bank. In addition, she has a huge bill to pay for the rehab, the mortgage payment is due on the house, the mansion, the ski cabin, the beach house, an...
Read full storyPrehysteric Jaws in Italian vineyard vindicates osteoporosis cure
Tuscany - (Ass Press): The arcane viticultural mysteries of the world famous Tuscan grape-growing region came a step closer today to proving their fabled ancient osteoporosis curing properties with the discovery of a prehysteric five million year old...
Read full storyPeople Are Not Impressed That UK Sailors Are Captured Gunpoint or Not
People are not impressed that fifteen UK sailors have been seized by the balls when they boarded a boat in the Gulf, which is very close to Iraq where we got in trouble before. The sailors suspected the boat was smuggling cars which doesn't seem...
Read full storyCricket World Cup Abandonment Worry
The Cricket World Cup is in danger of being cancelled today after a serious incident came to light that is "likely to have far-reaching implications for the game" .
Read full storyAppendix Removal: The Mixed Blessing
They say that every cloud has a silver lining. They also say that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. This is true. As a teenager, I once was in this situation and turned it to my full and complete advantage.
Read full storyHogwarts loco smashed in protest of Rowling theft outrage
Lancashire - (Rioters): Outraged locals have caused £50,000 of damage to the Hogwarts Express steam locomotive stored in Carnforth, Lancashire as a protest against JK Rowling's continued fraudulent portrayal of being the rightful author of the Ha...
Read full storyStar of "Devil wears Prada" Fingered in Mafia Ringleader Shock!
Anne Hathaway, star of "The Devil wears Prada" and more recently "Becoming Jane", is facing an extradition hearing due to her being accused of running her husband's criminal empire after he was jailed for murder.
Read full storyCats Found to be Magnetic by Harvard Medical School
Cat owners everywhere are stunned to find out that their playful felines are actually magnetic. A recent Harvard medical study, Maine Coon cats have been proven magnetic. "We were really, really surprized by the results of the tests. To think t...
Read full storyFreak lightening causes strange condition for youth in Hertfordshire.
The extreme weather conditions that have plagued southern England have had a bizarre effect on one unlucky teenager. Billy Mitchell (17) was lying in bed on Monday around eleven o'clock, when a bolt of lightening struck him through his open bedro...
Read full storyPope converts to Islam
The Vatican was stunned by the revelation that their 'Papa' has turned to another well known religion. The disappearance of the one time head of the Roman Catholic Church led to speculation that he had eloped with his one time friend, Eva Sti...
Read full storyFDA Finds Bees Dying from Genetically Modified Crops, Pollens
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The die-off of bee populations throughout the world is being caused by genetically modified crops, FDA chief Ralph Roachman announced on Friday.
Read full storyBuddy Holly To Reform
Legendary rocker Buddy Holly is to reform thanks to recent medical developments. Holly, who was killed in an air crash in 1959, has been transferred to 'Dr Frank's Stitch-Em-Up-Quick' hospital in New York where he will be pieced together...
Read full storyWoolmer Visited O'Sullivan in Liverpool And Was Forced To Buy a One-Legged Racehorse
After a painstaking investigation into the cruel murder of Pakistan's long-suffering Bob Woolmer, The Spoof can reveal that in the run-up to the ill-fated World Cup, Woolmer did not visit the Liverpool b...
Read full storyRed Sox Ace Daisuke Matsuzaka Suffering from Severely Inflamed Gyroball
Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein, Friday, revealed that Japanese pitching ace Daisuke Matsuzaka was suffering from what could only be described as a "severely inflamed gyroball," which may well land him on the disabled list.
Read full storySeal Hunters Enraged by Abortions and Global Warming: It's a Dirty Liberal Plot
"It's a Dirty Liberal Plot!", exclaimed Seal Hunter, Ceil Hunter, referring to the low birth rate of Arctic seals and the poor ice flows that are failing to support the baby seals and their families.
Read full storyNewt Gingrich Changes Spelling of His Name
He decided when he read about a cuddly little German polar bear cub by the name of Knut, abandoned by his mother Tosca, that has captured the world's attention.
Read full storyFasting American Idol Fans Starve For Sanjaya While Others Still Search Internet for Antonella Pictures
Sanjaya, the much maligned American Idol contestant, is now the subject of two different fasts. One group of teenage girls has vowed to starve themselves until the would be singer is voted off of the show. Another group has vowed that they will sta...
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