Real Roxanne Wants Half Of Police Tour Profits

Funny story written by Ondaspo

Friday, 23 March 2007


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AP-(Queens, New York) The Police front man Sting may be splitting his 2007 World Tour profits with ex-hooker Madeline "Mattie" Spandoza.

"Yeah, I was a skank back then and I had sex with Sting." A smoking Spandoza told reporters outside of her assisted living apartment in Queens, New York.
"He didn't pay for it back then, so he's gonna pay now."

Miss Spandoza, 60, who was part of a London escort service from 1976 to 1982, stated she had intimate relations with Sting in 1977 which afterwards he refused to pay for her services. Miss Spandoza who filed a right to profits and non-payment of services charge against singer/songwriter Sting in February, claims that she is also the inspiration behind The Police 1978 hit "Roxanne".

"I remember Sting because he asked me a bunch of questions and crap about being a hooker. I told him my name was Mattie, like, 12 times and he kept calling me Roxanne. So I said, 'Who's that? Your mommy or your sister?' Then he started to cry and told me not to turn on the red bedside lamp because it hurt his eyes. He was a whiney little bastard! He also said I wore too much make-up, he didn't like my dress and that whoring was a bad way to make a living. I finally told him shut up or put up. Afterwards, he refused to pay, saying he was doing research and I could send him a bill. I never saw a dime! Tantric sex, my ass."

Ms. Spandoza feels that she should be compensated because Sting solicited her place of employment, services were rendered and he has made "a butt load of cash" off his experience.

"I could have lived with being an inspiration and all, but he just didn't pay! I have had years to compound the interest." Spandoza said.

Attorneys for Miss Spandoza also added that they would be seeking at least half of Sting's Police 2007 World Tour profits to compensate for the loss and damages along with 10 front row tickets for Las Vegas and Miami shows.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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