Hype Park, London - (ReUterus): Some of the world's deadliest biological contaminants have tested positive in crystal healing waters of the Diana Princess of Whales Memorial Fountain.
They include syphylis, gonorrhea, diarrhoea, gastro-enteritis, pneumonia, meningitis, septicaemia, e-coli, listeria, hepatitis A B and C, legionnaires disease, avian flu, asian flu, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, whooping cough, tuberculosis, scarlet fever, tetanus, chicken pox, diphtheria, mad cow disease, bronchitis, attention deficit disorder, psychosis, dementia, alzheimers, tourette's syndrome, bulimia, anaemia, annorexia, hysterectomy and bi-polar bear disorder.
Royal Parks Agency is blaming press hysteria for the spread of these easily immunizable conditions which can be stopped in their tracks with with a simple, relatively inexpensive and cost-effective solution:
"About 500 tonnes of ready-mixed concrete should do it."
Watch this space for more developments...
