Cat owners everywhere are stunned to find out that their playful felines are actually magnetic. A recent Harvard medical study, Maine Coon cats have been proven magnetic. "We were really, really surprized by the results of the tests. To think that an unlimited power source was under our noses this whole time," Gore Bush told us.
The United States government is sending agents out all over the country to steal the cats and use them to power the Navy's war machines. "I wouldn't call it stealing, exactly," Billy Ates, the head of the operation told us. "It's just borrowing without permission and with no intent of returning them."
Owners of the cats are unhappy by the actions of the government. "I'll hunt them down and kill 'em all!" a cat owner told us.
"I don't care about the public. So f*ck the cats owners. USA! USA!"
If you own a Maine Coon cat, hide it until the program ends in three months, and do not feed it wet cat food.
