Anna Nicole tampon fetches $50,000 on eBay
Bahamas - (ReUterus & Ass. Mess): A partially used tampon once worn by former Playboy centrefold Anna Nicole Smith has broken all records by selling for over $50,000 on internet auction site eBay.
Read full storyThe Police Get Ready To Top Up Their Pensions
The Band 'The Police' are busy rehearsing for their forthcoming money making idea. No not more speed cameras (at least no cameras!) They will perform some of their songs and a hit at the Grammy's.
Read full storySpitfire Found with Pilot
A Second World War spitfire aircraft has been found on the South Downs near the English Channel. The pilot (Fred Adder) was in a very shaky state but was able to say he had crash landed during the last weeks of the war.
Read full storyCamilla Hysterectomy - Charles to assist
It has been announced that the Duchess of Cornwall is to undergo a Hysterectomy operation.
Read full storyLiberal Rednecks Win Grammys
The Dixie Chicks, reviled in 2003 for their outspoken criticism of Bush's planned invasion of Iraq, walked away with three Grammy awards last night. Their victory was a signal for "traditional Americans" to take their covert, peace-lov...
Read full storyFears of foot and mouth (taken from Cilybebyll Daily News)
Ann Summers in the Welsh farming village of Cilybebyll has this week declared its profits up by 110% from sales of blow up sheep as its citizens are preparing for the worse as local farmer Dremidydd Talyessin discovered one of his sheep with its foot...
Read full storyFound, Hitler's left ball
Archaeologists digging a Roman villa in Germany have found what is believed to be Hitler's left ball. The scrunched up almost skinless lump of muscle now resides in the local police headquarters awaiting forensic tests. Police are standin...
Read full storyRalph Fiennes and the mile-high steward
Darwin, Australia - (ReUterus): Actor Ralph Fiennes was clearly ruffled yesterday after a mile-high incident with a Qaintarse flight steward in the first class lavatory nearly brought the plane down on a flight from Darwin to Mumbai.
Read full storyCameron Diaz Dumps Justin Timberlake, Writes "Dump Him with Dignity" Book
The actress, who has also been in high-profile relationships with Carlos de La Torre, Matt Dillon, and Jared Leto, shares her expertise in this new book.
Read full storyCaruth Byrd flogs Oswald's sniper perch
Dallas - (AssoCIAted Mess): $100,000 is being asked by an internet auction site for a window that was Lee Harvey Oswald's famous sniper perch. The seller, Caruth Byrd, claims his father owned the Texas School Book Suppository and salvaged the w...
Read full storyRev. Jackson claims "Obama isn't Black Enough"
Nome, Alaska- The Reverend Jessie Jackson stated today that Barack Obama isn't black enough to be the first black president of America. Jackson claimed that Obama was "too light skinned, has never called another black man 'brother' a...
Read full storyAcorah Summons Up Vampire Bint - Yvette Fielding Goes Over To The Other Side
Top TV psychic Derek Acorah, the only spook-hunter whose name rhymes with a tasty Indian starter, is bricking it today after his act went all Pete Tong last night.
Read full storyPrinceton ESP Lab had spooky premonitions of closure
Princeton, NJ - (Rioters): The Principal of Princeton University's ESP Laboratory - the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research laboratory or PEAR - says he's had a spooky feeling for the last thirty years that the pioneering psychic researc...
Read full story64 Men to Split Anna Nicole's $474 Million
A deal has been struck among 64 of the men laying claim to having fathered Anna Nichole Smith's baby, Dannielynn. The final figure of 64 was arrived at by some reputable Vegas bookies running the odds and multiplying the number of days Ms. Smith...
Read full storyCamilla sex change op spun as hysterectomy
Clarence House - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Camilla is to undergo a routine sex change operation in March which is being dubbed as a hysterectomy after the Pretender to the Throne ordered a news blackout on the subject.
Read full storyCondi Chokes on MRE and Vomits on US Troops During Surprise Visit to Iraq
BAGHDAD IRAQ - While on a surprise visit to Iraq Condi Rice sat down with troops to have lunch and was handed a MRE by a troop sitting next to her. With a surprised look on her face, she inquired about what had happened to the lunch that she had brou...
Read full storyHeads Explode from Excessive Cell Phone Use
Kansas City - Commercial artist, Margaret Poindexter's head exploded while she was using her cell phone in her car on her way home from work last week. One eyewitness who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that "Her head exploded like a wat...
Read full storyWashington Monument Goes Limp Fears Over Nations Virility Fuel Anxiety
Washington DC - Sometime last night, after 136 years of standing tall and erect, Washington's favorite "stiffy" went limp. One of the first to discover the sagging monument was Greg Garcia. When Greg arrived at work this morning he coul...
Read full storyHell In A Nutshell - One Man's Strange and Twisted Journey in Search of the American Dream
Hell In A Nutshell By Joey Thomas Oh My God! Donald Trump sure knew how to build a casino. Bright pinks, bold...
Read full storyIllicit New Drug - "Better than Crack"
Police have predicted an imminent drug epidemic to rival the good old heroin proliferation of the 80's made popular by Zammo. Chief Constable for Greater Manchester Police Mike Todd claimed: "It's some of the best gear I've ever had.
Read full storyThe Police Reunite in Adult Diapers to Play Grammys, Tour
The Police, after a 20-year hiatus, kicked off a world reunion tour this week by playing the Grammys to commemorate the 30-year anniversary of the band's formation. That they were old and creaky was lost on no one.
Read full storyBlair: I Was Cameron's Pusher, What Of It?
An in-depth investigation by The Spoof into the source of the Cameron drug taking shocker, has revealed that from an early age, Cameron was at the beck and call of one, Tony Blair, who kept him on a short leash, and...
Read full storyKermit The Frog "I could be Dannielynn's father!"
February 8th 2007 was indeed a sad day around the world. Former Playboy bunny Anna Nicole Smith was found unconscious at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. CPR was administered and paramedics arrived shortly after. Anna Nicole Smith was pron...
Read full storyDick Cheney Not Father of Anna Nicole Smith Baby
Whew. At last! Something shadowy and questionable that is completely unrelated to the machinations of Dick Cheney or Halliburton. Considering his history of, "Without a doubt" proclamations, that collect traces of rumors and contradictions,...
Read full storyWorld's press mistakenly announce England cricketing defeat, having not bothered to turn up
Sports pages of the world's press were being hurriedly re-written this morning after journalists discovered to their horror that the England one-day cricket team had actually won a match against the Australians. The Spoof! has learnt that not a s...
Read full storyHillary to come out of the closet in attempt to trump Obama
Former first lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton is set to sensationally reveal a history of lesbian activity in a bid to out-do rival, Barrack Obama, who is hoping to become America's first black President.
Read full storyIt All Gets Nasty At BAFTA Ceremony
You couldn't make it up could you? But that won't stop The Spoof trying, so get a load of this.
Read full storyJamie Oliver Is Really An Idiot
Jamie Oliver, the blubbermouthed TV chef, has been quick to prove that he's really an idiot after some observers have said that he's, in fact, clever. Jamie, whose programme about rotten school meals was a big em...
Read full storyLyndsey Lohan and Paris Hilton to star in Celebrity Rehab
A new reality TV show, starring two of America's favourite fuck-ups, is set to air next week on the Fox network.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe Crashes Lancaster Bomber Into Lunar Surface
In a shameless ploy to get publicity for the ailing Harry Potter franchise, star Daniel Radcliffe has TWOCed a Lancaster Bomber and together with Ron Weazley has crash landed it on the moon.
Read full storyPete Doherty to help David Cameron get clean
Former Libertine, Pete Doherty, and his fiancee, supermodel Kate Moss, rushed to the side of pal, David Cameron, last night as allegations of drug abuse threatened to wreck the Tory leader's career.
Read full storyTerminator Found in Man's Car
Police recovered a 'terminator' from the boot of Ford Sierra Estate late last night, the driver was taken in for questioning. The arrest raises fresh alarms at the unknown quantity that is the spread of 'home made technology'.
Read full storyBill Gates becomes ruler of Earth!
In a stunning move, today Microsoft chair Bill Gates purchased the isle of Tonga giving him control of 51% of the earth's surface.He immediately moved the capitol of the U.S to Redmond Washington, dissolved congress and had President George Bush...
Read full storyThings Aren't Quite So Bootiful Down Norfolk way
Bernard Matthews has today sacked his marketing company following the recent campaign that has snowballed out of hand.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Jermaine Jackson's Little Brother To Become Black Again
Celebrity Big Brother contestant Jermaine Jackson was proud of his performance in the BB House - but not as proud as he is of his little brother Wacko.
Read full storyTorys Deny Pot Smoking at Eton
"There never was, nor, are, nor ever will be, a future Tory Pot Smoking Leader!" exclaimed shadow Chancellor George "Brownie" Osborne". "I was at Eaton with David "MJ" Cameron and a joint never touched that 15...
Read full storyBoots Estimates 3m Brits with Tanking Shwanker
Boots (British Organization Of Tanking Shwankers) released evidence that 3 million citizens of the UK can no longer 'get it up'! Experts in the field of male impotence agreed that the problem has grown to such extremes. Dr Blaine Crane believ...
Read full storyBaby Dannielynn's Paternity to be Decided by Rock, Paper, Scissors Tournament
The mother of the late Anna Nicole Smith announced today she is holding tryouts for any man claiming to be the biological father of baby Dannielynn. Among the contenders is a cryogenically frozen sample of Ms. Smith's late husband Mr. Marshall&...
Read full storySt Viagra and St Valentine, Co-Patrons of Impotence
The revision of the Roman Catholic Liturgical Calendar has placed St Viagra and St Valentine on Feb 14. In a strange coincidence, non-prescription Viagra hits three high street pharmacies Wednesday despite or because of St Valentines Day, National Im...
Read full storyWMD Found In UK, Thanks Monsanto
Chemical company Monsanto has recently been in the news for its genetically engineered seeds. These sterile seeds are forcing Third World farmers to purchase seed from Monsanto instead of the old-fashioned plant's ability to make their own seeds...
Read full storyGod Claims Parentage
God today announced that he is in fact the father of the Daughter of Anna Nicole Smith's baby Dannielynn.
Read full storyDepends To Unveil New Ad Campaign
Depends, the manufacturers of adult diapers are to unveil a new ad campaign. The new ads, unfortunately too late to premier during the Super Bowl, will feature none other than Astronaut Lisa Nowak.
Read full storyDe-Gay In 30 Days!
With funding from the Catholic Church, the Republican Party and millions of Christian Conservative Evangelical small investors, De-Gay In 30 Days Inc has announced its revolutionary new De-Gay-atron,a laser powered gizmo that looks and sounds like Wo...
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