Darwin, Australia - (ReUterus): Actor Ralph Fiennes was clearly ruffled yesterday after a mile-high incident with a Qaintarse flight steward in the first class lavatory nearly brought the plane down on a flight from Darwin to Mumbai.
Fiennes, star of The English Paintstain and Schindler's Pissed, summoned assistance in the on-board facility after his tie got mysteriously jammed in the loo flushing mechanism.
Help arrived quickly in the form of burly flight attendant Wayne Bigpuss who rescued the actor from becoming a blue ice statistic as the turbo-assisted lavatory snatched its Armani prey from around Fiennes'throat.
What happened next remains a mystery.
But Bigpuss has been stood down from duties after a formal complaint from fellow cabin crew.
"We believe Mr Fiennes tried to show his gratitude for the life-saving incident in a formal, old-English kind of way.
"But the on-board tannoy was somehow activated and the passenegers were treated to a fifteen minute rendition of specific violations of the Quantas Professional Code of Conduct.
"The whole lavatory now needs redecorating."