Rev. Jackson claims "Obama isn't Black Enough"

Written by Travis Casey

Monday, 12 February 2007

image for Rev. Jackson claims "Obama isn't Black Enough"
Caddy man? But I don't play golf!

Nome, Alaska- The Reverend Jessie Jackson stated today that Barack Obama isn't black enough to be the first black president of America. Jackson claimed that Obama was "too light skinned, has never called another black man 'brother' and has never driven a Cadillac".

Speaking at a rally in Alaska for Gay Black Alaskan Awareness Week, Reverend Jackson told the Nome newspaper, "Barack is a nice guy. He has a nice wife and children. But when I met him in Chicago I said 'What's up brother?' and he said 'No, I have a sister but no brothers'. I said dude, we're all brothers fighting the cause for a greater Africa America. That's when he told me he has never called anyone brother in his life.

"I couldn't believe what I was hearing from another black man. As we spoke further he told me he drove a Toyota. I said 'Where's the Caddy man?' He said he has never had a Cadillac! I asked him what kind of music he liked to dance to and he said he couldn't dance. So I tried to talk about sport and he said he never plays or watches sport! I thought, man, this dude can't be black."

Jackson, who tried to gain the Democratic nomination for president in 1984 and 1988 but failed, losing out to Walter Mondale and Micheal Dukakis, said that Americans wouldn't accept a black man who tries to act white.

Jackson stated 'He talks funny. You know, like a white guy. He's got no shucking and jiving. He only uses one vowel at a time when he's speakin'. He don't use no, like, Yoooo maaaan. He's more of a Yes Sir. He always using proper, punctuated English. He's never going to get the brother vote like that and white folks ain't going to like him trying to be like them. He needs to use his color more. And two weeks in the Bahama sun wouldn't hurt either. He needs a deeper tan. People like to see things in black and white. People don't see his dark side because he doesn't have one."

Obama was at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library and unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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