Pastor Haggard strapped for cash
Colorado Springs, Colorado - (Ass Mess): Pastor Ted Haggard is on his uppers and strapped for cash. The former evangelical minister is appealing to former congregation members for donations to finance his paranormal studies at the Phoenix Dream Cent...
Read full storyNew Biscuits launched in honour of Boris Johnson
Biscuit makers in Torquay have launched a brand new biscuit in honour of forthcoming London Mayoral candidate, Boris Johnson.
Read full storyCal-el Pledges to Give Texas Back to Mexico
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The United States of Texas - Cal-el flew into TheSpoof.com window to update us on what he is doing to spread world peace. It seems that he has contacted LULAC and pledged to give Texas back to Mexico.
Read full storyStay or Beg!
In the wake of increasing rumours of a British pull out from Iraq, President Bush vowed to get tough on the lilly livered Brits yesterday. Speaking from the White House, Bush bemoaned the departure of his pet Primeminister Blair and labelled his repl...
Read full storyDucks to go on Strike
Mikey the angry Mallard today went on strike for the sake of his feathered brethren. Mikey, an 8 Month old duck is striking for better conditions for Ducks, claiming that they wish to have a better diet than the soggy bread that three year old childr...
Read full storyOne Million Barrels of Toxic Waste Recalled
It seems as though nothing imported from China is safe anymore. On the heels of recalls of various and sundry goods such as pet food, doggie rawhide chews, an array of children's toys, and Spongebob Squarepants writing tablets, comes the latest...
Read full storyForgotten Scripture Discovered
Archaeologists in Turkey have unearthed what they call "an important theo-culinary artefact" during excavations near an ancient temple in the north of the country. The ancient manuscript, entitled 'The Book of Donor", appears to detail the unlikel...
Read full storyReality TV Riot
Dozens of people were hurt last night as rival reality TV fans fought pitched battles on the streets of Elstree.
Read full storyNATO steps up monitoring of Russian coke subs
Mexico - (Ass Mess): NATO vessels have stepped up surveillance operations on Russian submarines following this week's seizure of five tons of cocaine aboard a Bloodyvostock-registered sub that ran aground off Guatemalan waters following Hurricane...
Read full storyThree year old toddler writes memoirs. Jordan asks what have they done?
In Manchester, yesterday a new memoir was launched, but this was no ordinary memoir of hard times overcome, or of self pity. This was a memoir, written by an anonymous author, who has recently turned three.
Read full storyMurkowski's jet sold for scrap
Valdez, Alaska - (Ass Mess): The $2.7 million private jet that former Alaskan governor Frank H Murkowski swindled out of state funds in 2005 for his own hubristic pleasures was finally sold today on eBay, realising $2.1 million as scrap.
Read full storyHull City Shirt Voted Most Fashionable Of All Time, Ever
A shirt worn by the Hull City team during their unsuccessful 1992-93 season has been voted the most fashionable and visually-pleasing ever by football fans.
Read full storyKate Middleton's Melbourne Cup freebie cancelled after whores flu outbreak
Sydney, Australia - (Ass Mess): Kate Middleton's self-publicising trip to Australian horseracing's blue riband Melbourne Cup Day has been cancelled after officials confirmed a widespread outbreak of whores flu.
Read full storyUS Financial Empire a Giant Fraudulent Ponzi Scam Says Ben Bernanke
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The world's investors now recognize that the US financial system is nothing but a giant fraudulent Ponzi scam said Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyHurricane 'PacMan' devastates America
Hurricane PacMan continues to devastate the Florida coast. The freak weather condition was named after meteorologists noticed an uncanny resemblance to the character in the old computer game.
Read full storyMan gets mouth transplant
In another bungled medical operation, a man who went into hospital for an arthroscopy of his knee woke up to find that the lower half of his face had been replaced with … a book.
Read full storyFootballers Are Paid Way Too Much, Say Kids
A survey of more than 10,000 children under the age of 13, has shown that an overwhelming number of them believe that many of today's footballers receive "far too much money" in their pay packets. The survey, carried out by the Children's BBC News...
Read full storyCheese crisis continues
The police have continued to make arrests throughout northern England as police attempt to crackdown on the cheese dealing trade.
Read full storyMen from mars could be really small
Scientist have revealed findings, in the journal 'Science stuff', which show if there are any men on mars they would have to be really small.
Read full storyNew terror police
The new branch of terror police, armed with axes, has been re-deployed from today. They were suspended from duty last year, after several incidents, within London's tube network.
Read full storyGoat triad arrested
Four members of the Japanese triad 'The Order Of The Flying Goats Which Make A Noise Not Dissimilar To That To A Frog Committing Suicide On A Tree Though More Finch-Like', which is a rough translation from the original Japanese, were arrested...
Read full storyDavid Cameron: Drugs boy
The conservative leader has admitted that he took drugs whilst at Eaton. In his auto-biography he revealed that while at Eaton he, on more than one occasion, eaten some Cathedral City, or done a bit of Red Leicester.
Read full storyNazi Flapjack Arrested
Police today arrested a nineteen year old flapjack in Reading for incitement of racial hatred. The flapjack was found by Terror police lying in the shape of a swastika on a pavement.
Read full storyKiller Baby Carrots on the Loose
City of Industry, California (Salad Bar Monthly) - The 'Los Angeles Salad Company' has been forced to recall a large quantity of its "Genuine Sweet Baby Carrots" due to contamination with the bacteria Shigella.
Read full storyKarl Rove's 'Wood' Was His Undoing According To Insiders
Inside the Beltway (Woodworking Magazine) - According to White House insiders, the fact that Karl Rove always carried a piece of wood around in his pants pocket was the thing that ultimately led to his failure.
Read full storyElderly staying sexually active is the number one cause of hip-joint replacements, knee injuries and denture stains, study claims
South Beach, Florida - A study reports that elderly people are staying sexually active well into their 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond what God, Mother Nature or their bodies intended. Although no doubt keeping the elderly mentally vibrant an...
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