Keith Richards in Horse sedation Row
There is uproar in Belgrade, Serbia as The Rolling Stones plan to sedate 3 000000 horses that may be driven insane by the aging rockers' crap music.
Read full storyBush Says Stop Violence in Darfur "or Else"
WASHINGTON (Routers) -- President Bush warned Sudan's president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, on Wednesday that he has one last chance to stop violence in Darfur "or ELSE."...
Read full storyArchaeologist Finds Mozart's "Magic Flute"
The Magic Flute that inspired Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to compose his opera, Die Zauberflöte (The Magic Flute) was found on a Vienna Beach by archaeologist Prof. Anna L. Dallapiccola, Art Historian, formerly Prof. of Art History, South Asian...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Julius Caesar, Brutus etc sue for damages
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Movie actress Jennifer Lopez and a whole array of ancient Roman heavyweights are suing the National Enquirer over drug smears and are taking their fight to European courts in London, Paris, Rome, Belfast, Dublin and the tiny I...
Read full storyGlamour Shots Opens in Malawai
In a move to aid Africa's growing orphan crisis, Glamour Shots has opened a photography franchise in Malawi that caters to the legions of children who are hoping to be adopted.
Read full storyMia Farrow Adopts Whole Orphanage
In what appears to be a mounting rivalry with Angelina Jolie and Madonna, Mia Farrow has flown to Namibia and adopted an orphanage.
Read full storyLarry Birkhead slams Virgie Arthur: "I ain't no gay sperm donor!"
Nassau. Bahamas - (Ass Mess): Larry Birkhead has hit out at a smear campaign that says he is a gay sperm donor chosen by Anna Nicole Smith for his girly blonde good looks, and whose semen was cynically harvested by the former Playboy stripper in a pe...
Read full storySupreme Court Orders Abortion on Demand, Paypal Accepted
(Mt. Olympus) -- The Supremes, voting 5-4, ordered abortion on demand for women over age 11. Availability at shopping mall kiosks is guaranteed. Paypal is accepted.
Read full storyWho Is Gay Daughter's Baby's Father? Dick Cheney, Howard K Stern, Larry Birkhead - Angelina Jolie to Adopt!
(Hollyweird) -- A media circus worthy of Anna Nicole Smith, but in a B cup, has come to tinseltown as lawyer turned gigolo Howard K Stern and photographer turned billionaire daddy Larry Burkhead challenge Vice President turned fag hag B A Dick Cheney...
Read full storyAnna Nicole to Wed in Williams Day of the Dead
Rumours from the Palace are rife that Prince William may be considering tying the knot with the late Anna Nicole Smith. Royal commentators have speculated on the new love-match which apparently the Queen approves of.
Read full storyIan Botham In "Comeback On Three Fronts" Exclusive
Former England cricket captain Ian Botham is thought, today, to be one step nearer to making a sensational comeback to the international game.
Read full storyBarnsley Man Attacked By Ladybirds
The unseasonal hot weather in April yesterday turned a pleasant afternoon working in the garden into a nightmare scenario that nearly cost him his life, for odd-job man Stan M. Bellish of Barnsley, South Yorkshire.
Read full storyGeorge W Bush Signs WWE Deal
George W. Bush has defied the critics by deciding to continue to work after his Presidency expires by signing a professional wrestling contract with the WWE.
Read full storyJK Rowling GOOD! Harry Potter BAD!
This reporter was wrong about JK Rowling (I WANT MISCHA BARTON BACK BITCH!) JK is a kind sweet generous person who would have loved to save Harry Potter from his tragic death but incriminating (FAKE) eveidence shows Harry Potter beating babies and stealing candy whilst JK frolocks through a meadow giving banana cake to children.
Read full storyMadonna and Angelina Jolie in adoption war related lesbian romp!
Somerset, Evening Herald Tribune. - Pneumatic mouthed Shakespearian actress Angelina Jolie and ex porn star Madge D'Honneur have been in a race to adopt as much of Africa as they can.
Read full storyThe mobile phone
Today I came to the conclusion that I don't have to buy a laptop, after all while sending an email from my moby I thought to meself hey - Me phone does the same as me computer!...
Read full storyJamie Oliver Reward for Theft
Jamie Oliver, who has been dubbed the most annoying TV chef in history, has offered a reward to anybody who can give information regarding a theft from the pub where the twat grew up.
Read full storyIsmail Ax Riddle Solved in Virginia Tech Massacre
WASHINGTON D.C.--(ASSOCIATED PRESS) Two days after the massacre at Virginia Tech took place, many hundreds if not thousands have gone online to try to decipher the words tattooed on the right arm of the Korean student, turned mass murderer.
Read full storyConstitution outlawed by the Bush Administration
EP (Exasperated Press) - Today in Washington, George W. Bush signed a bill into law that was written by his administration. The new law puts an end to the U.S. Constitution. It will now be illegal for any U.S. Citizen to own or display a copy of th...
Read full story"Terrorist Bomber Saved Lives" - Claim
A man accused of plotting to kill hundreds of innocent people by "bombing them to smithereens", should be nominated for a bravery award, says his solicitor, after it was claimed that he actually 'saved' a tower bloc...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Activists Outraged at Animal Drug Problem
EP (Exasperated Press) - Animal Rights activists rallied world-wide today to protest the new problem with animals addicted to drugs. Alan Dershowitz and Laurence Tribe of Harvard Law School were there to show their support.
Read full storyEngland Push South Africa Hard, Get Hammered
It was a close-run thing against South Africa yesterday, but England are finally out of the Cricket World Cup.
Read full storyPandas Overrun Chinese city
The recent program for artificial insemination and breeding of Giant Pandas has backfired on the angry citizens of Southern China. Massive over breeding and lack of security have caused untold thousands of pandas to escape from zoos and private displ...
Read full story"Ice" Will Put You on Your Ass!
Crystal Meth or ice is creating havoc across the USA in ways that are reminiscent of the great Crack Epidemic of the 80's. Reagan has been proven to have driven millions to become crack addicts and now a double dose of Bush has pushed Americans i...
Read full storyEngland Cricket Exit: Flintoff Blames Drycleaners
As the excuses start to pour in for England's exit from the cricket world cup Freddie Flintoff breaks the silence emitting from the England camp... by blaming the drycleaners.
Read full storySchool to Ban Earth Day
A public school in San Francisco has decided to ban all references to Earth Day this year because of the fear that it might offend anyone who might be visiting here from another planet.
Read full storyImus, Sharpton, Jackson, and Jackson Start Rap Group
Don Imus, Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, and Michael Jackson have decided to form a Rap group, The Nappy Headded Hos.
Read full storyNew Scientific Discovery!
Gaza (ENN) - Today, scientists discovered a half-man, half-pteredactyl in the hills of Gaza. Fearing that it was a spawn of Satan, Israeli soldiers, armed with machine guns, shot it down in a rain of fire.
Read full storyNo to Pot, Yes to Cocaine
Story from ENN (Exasperated News Network) - Today President Bush asked the Drug Czar to issue a statement to all schools following the shootings at Virginia Tech. President Bush urges all students to say "No" to marijuana and "Yes&quo...
Read full storyU.S. Politicians Must Join Screen Actors Guild
A case pending in U.S. Federal Appeals Court marks the end of a six year battle between Hollywood's Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and all elected officials in the United States. The dispute, centered on the dramatic and comedic roles of US politician...
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