Bush Says Stop Violence in Darfur "or Else"

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

image for Bush Says Stop Violence in Darfur "or Else"
Bush's idea of "other punitive options"

WASHINGTON (Routers) -- President Bush warned Sudan's president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, on Wednesday that he has one last chance to stop violence in Darfur "or ELSE."

When Sudan's president asked what "or ELSE" meant, President Bush replied, "The United States will impose sanctions and consider other punitive options."

Bush said that he has decided to give U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon more time to pursue diplomacy in a speech at the U.S. Holocaust Museum, Bush's favorite hangout, that his patience is limited as his attention span. Bush added, "I get to decide, because I'm the decider."

Bush accused the Sudanese of painting military planes white to disguise them as United Nations or African Union aircraft when they should clearly be painted black. Bush said in a statement at the Holocaust Museum, "Everyone knows that white is a good guy color. You're the bad guys. Your jets should be painted black. Ain't you guys ever watched any Westerns?"

Bush was at the Holocaust Museum admiring Hitler's work. He told reporters, "Just wait until you see MY Holocost Museum. That Hitler guy was a pansy. He was GAY! I'll show you a Holocost!"

Experts are still speculating on how President Bush was able to pronounce the words "sanctions,""punitive," and "holocaust" properly.

After hearing Bush's statement about the planes, Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, and the NAACP demanded that Bush be fired for using racist lanugage.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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