Ian Botham In "Comeback On Three Fronts" Exclusive

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

image for Ian Botham In "Comeback On Three Fronts" Exclusive
Beefy eats ten of these before breakfast

Former England cricket captain Ian Botham is thought, today, to be one step nearer to making a sensational comeback to the international game.

Speaking on Sky News, Botham told Sports pundit Bob Drivel that the current England set-up:

"couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery", and that he could be "padding-up again" as soon as next month with the start of the Test Series against the West Indies.

The round ex-Somerset all-rounder doesn't regard his age as an obstacle to a comeback, even though he is now 59, and weighs more than 25 stones.

"I'm all brute strength", he said, "Just swing the bat and hope for the best! It always used to work - why shouldn't it now?"

Known as Beefy, due to his love of beef, Botham also played football for the mighty Scunthorpe United, who have just been promoted to the Championship.

He is also a keen golfer, although members at his local club regard him as something of a "hacker".

Nevertheless, he told Drivel that he will play at centre-half for the Iron next season, and will take control of the European Ryder Cup team in time for the 2008 event in Kentucky.

"I always love a Kentucky!" he said, slavering.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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