There were 183 spoof news stories published in May 2005. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Laura Bush Converts to Islam, Enters Harem
RIYADH (AFP)-International tensions continue to grow over the disastrous goodwill tour of Laura Bush, the wife of United States President George W, Bush, after the American First Lady secretly converted to Islam in Jerusalem and later entered a harem...
Read full storyTop 10 Reasons Why Michael Jackson Needs to Go to Prison:
10. Michael Jackson's nose. That disgusting chunk of plastic that Jackson now parades around as "his nose" is an affront to even the least talented Hollywood plastic surgeon. Michael Jackson has refused to face up to the fact tha...
Read full storyNaked Sushi Girls on Western Menu
The Chinese government's ban on restaurants from serving food on the bodies of naked women has led to a flood of 'Sushi Suzies' trying to find work in the West. But initial reports indicate the culinary requirements of a different culture...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocker: Scott Savol Quits, Apologizes for Wasting Viewers' Time
Los Angeles - The big news of this American Idol season was supposed to be last week when popular rocker Constantine Maroulis was booted from competition. As of today, that news seems tame.
Read full storySaddam Hussein Signs Underwear Deal with Calvin Klein
NEW YORK - Calvin Klein announced a three-year deal with Saddam Hussein in which the former Iraqi dictator would appear in a series of advertisements modeling fashionable underwear. "We want to show the world that every man can improve his image by w...
Read full storyTom Cruise: "I didn't sleep with Michael Jackson!"
SANTA MARIA, CA -- Appearing as a witness for the defense in the Michael Jackson molestation trial, Hollywood heartthrob Tom Cruise set the record straight about his past experience with Michael Jackson. Before a packed courtroom, Tom Cruise...
Read full storyPresident George Bush Admits to Hot Affair with Geena Davis
WASHINGTON --- In a stunning announcement from the White House, it was confirmed that President Bush has been having a long-term relationship with actress Geena Davis. The couple surprised Washington insiders last evening when they appeared together...
Read full storyHells Angels to Take Over War on Terrorism
The Bush Administration plans to announce this week that the legendary motorcycle gang, Hells Angels, will be taking over the struggling war on terrorism.
Read full storyJennifer Wilbanks will Plead Guilty to Conspiracy
DULUTH GEORGIA (AP) "Jennifer Wilbanks will plead guilty to conspiracy in her disappearance from her upcoming wedding," says Gwinnett District Attorney Danny Porter. "After reviewing all the particulars of this case, we brought in Jennifer...
Read full storyJennifer Wilbanks Couldn't Shoplift Fiancé's Virginity
Convicted shoplifter Jennifer Wilbanks grew increasingly frustrated by her inability to seduce "born again virgin" John Mason. It is thought that Jennifer even took John on shoplifting expeditions to Victoria's Secret - thinking that the thrill of st...
Read full storyHitler's dentist describes Adolf's final days
SUMMERVILLE, N.J. -- Adolf Hitler was a shivering, boney, weakened man who sang to himself in the days before his suicide in 1945, according to a newly published account of Adolf's dentist, Emil Brustermeister, who cared for Adolf's mouth as Allied f...
Read full storyU.S. Sends Jedis to Iraq
Washington D.C.- During a Department of Defense press conference on Friday, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced that the United States would deploy it's brigades of Jedi Knights to the war in Iraq. "Only the Jedi can restore ord...
Read full storyIBM Super Computer To Take On Noughts And Crosses World Champ
Following in the path of their chess playing, Kasparov-beating "Deep Blue", computer giants IBM have gone out again and astounded the game world. In creating a "super-computer" devised to win every time at Noughts and Crosses (th...
Read full storyTSA Screeners Confiscate Fruit Trees, Detain SNL Actor
This afternoon airport security screeners at a Florida airport detained two suspicious individuals and confiscated several mango trees that the pair attempted to smuggle through a security checkpoint.
Read full storyU.S. Steals Lake - Mocks Russian Village
The Russian village of Bolotnikovo, where Stalinist Brainwashing remains the religion of choice, is renowned as a peaceful place. Just east of Moscow, it has always been a place where children roam the streets unafraid of kidnappers or bullies; a pla...
Read full storyBody of Jesus Found Outside Jerusalem
A team of archaeologists from the University of Chicago, working with the Israeli Museum of Aniquities, has disovered a burial site three kilometers outside Jerusalem with remains of three to five bodies believed to date from the 1st century AD. &qu...
Read full storyEddie Albert sightings rampant in U.S.
GRAND MARSHALL, Texas -- Eddie Albert, the versatile actor on Broadway, in movies and on television, known most for his role on Green Acres, died at his home in the Pacific Palisades area of California recently.
Read full storyPaganism rages in Britain
BOXBERRY, Great Britain -- A new study indicates that Paganism and the ancient art of witchcraft are on the rise in Britain. "Television, the World Wide Web, environmentalism, lo-carb diets and even feminism have all played a role in the resurgence,"...
Read full storyMcCartney takes over Cream reunion to grand applause
LONDON -- Paul McCartney showed up at the recent Cream reunion in London and took the place of all three Cream members for six songs.
Read full storyLucas Strikes Back - 32 Additional Star Wars Movies Announced
The Daily Swill, Hollywood CA - Citing insufficient assets and his desire to give back to his loyal fans, George Lucas, the true super hero behind the Star Wars movie empire, announced today that he would release 32 additional Star Wars movies over t...
Read full story"Deforestation Moving Along Better Than Expected" Government Chimes
The Amazon rain forest, second to the Atlantic Ocean as the wettest place on the planet and right behind Australia as the deadliest, is being destroyed at paces far greater than anticipated.
Read full storyMichael Jackson Fathers Brood of Puppies
Torrance, CA - The self-proclaimed "King of Pop" is at it again, this time in a slightly different manner. In an interspecies mating first, Michael Jackson has become the proud father of six cocker spaniel puppies.
Read full storyMason denies claim of found fiancé Wilbanks
Duluth, Georgia - After a jaunt by plane, Jennifer Wilbanks was delivered back to Georgia where she was met by family and friends. Amongst of which was John Mason her Groom. John who, was worried the entire time of her absence, came face to face and...
Read full storyInflatable House Sells for $1,300,000
LOS ANGELES TIMES--A world record of $1,300,000 was set in late May for the price of an inflatable house in the overheated California housing market. The buyer, Buster Mornduck, said he was lucky to get the home given the extreme competition for infl...
Read full storyObese Rabbit Sues McDonalds
A Rabbit that lived on McDonald's new salad menu is to sue the American Multinational for making him obese. Ryan McRabbit, a vegetarian from Dublin's posh southside was thrilled with the introduction of the new healthy option menu at his loca...
Read full storyGet Ready to Rumble: MLB Announces Celebrity Kick Boxing
The Daily Swill, SEATTLE, Wa - Michael Jackson vs Vanilla Ice? Paris Hilton vs. Jessica Simpson? Sounds like a popularity poll, but in actuality it may be a popularity stunt coming to a Saturday night Major League Baseball game near you.
Read full storyPatients Succumb To Rodent Disease
BOSTON--Three organ recipients in southern New England have succumbed in the past month to a virus spread by hamsters, which morphologically changes the human body until the victims become large rodents. Officials said yesterday that three transplant...
Read full storyAndy Rooney goes on tirade, plug pulled on segment-- network narrowly avoids millions in FCC fines
Andy Rooney, famous for his short commentaries that appear at the end of the long running "60 Minutes" program on CBS, has been fired after launching into what can only be described as a controversial and obcene tirade.
Read full storyeBay Prosecutes First "Bid-snatcher"
Here you sit waiting for the final minutes to drip by as you wait expentantly for the Limmited Edition signed XXL black T-Shirt from the premiere party of Hellraiser III to drop into your sweaty stubby fingers. Then, just as you throw back the last g...
Read full storyFirst Lady Wins Hearts of Islamic Militants
ABU GHOSH, Israel - United States First Lady Laura Bush said Monday she was not surprised to be met by protesters during her tour of Mideast holy sites and pledged the United States will do all it can to help resolve age-old conflicts.
Read full storyApple PowerBook Battery Explodes; Bill Gates Badly Burned!
REDMOND WA (AP) A freak accident last night resulted in serious injuries to Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. According to a fire department spokesman, "Mr. Gates was found slumped over an Apple Macintosh PowerBook. The laptop was in flames. It appear...
Read full storyAmerica Wakes Up - Rap Is Dead
Los Angeles, CA - Much to the chagrin of no talent posers and US advertising and recording industry executives, it appears that the music buying public has finally wised up and is no longer interested in purchasing any merchandise that has anything t...
Read full storySide Effects of Bird Flu Vaccines Spark Concern
BEIJING, May 26 (UPI) - Although China has developed vaccines that block the spread of the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu among birds and mammals according to Xinhua news agency, scientists fear the side effects which have been encountered in testing...
Read full storyScooby Don't! - Cartoon Canine Leaves Velma at Altar, to Wed Wilbanks
Hollywood CA - Scooby-Doo, where are you? Velma Dinkley, Scooby-Doo's now ex-fiancee is asking that very question today as the most famous celebrity dog in TV history rocked Hollywood today by reneging on his engagement and scheduled wedding to D...
Read full storySaddam Drops Suit, To Star In "The Simple Life"
Saddam Hussein has decided to drop his suit against the Rupert Murdoch-owned The Sun, his lawyer said today. As part of the settlement, the former Iraqi strongman will feature in the next season of the riches-to-rags reality series The Simp...
Read full storyRolling Stones '05 tour to feature debate on Social Security, no music
Legendary band The Rolling Stones excited their fans this week after announcing a world tour to kick off in the United States this summer, but that excitement was to be short lived.
Read full storyRolf Harris commissioned to body paint the Queen
Rolf Harris, an ex-Australian convict who learnt to body paint whilst doing time down under has been commissioned to body paint the Queen and other members of the Royal Family. The monarch, who has been painted by more than 120 artists in her life, i...
Read full story"There's Three of us In This Marriage" says Camilla
Disgraced former writer for The Spoof, Dogooder Dave has now found himself at the centre of a gathering storm in Royal circles writes Roy L.R Slicker, Royal Correspondent . Barely six weeks since the fairytale wedding of the ageing lovers I recie...
Read full storyDiana - Could Have Been Murder or Accident Shock!
The Scotland Yard investigation into the death in 1997 of Princess Diana has uncovered startling new evidence which could suggest that her death could have been murder or alternatively, may have been an accident.
Read full storyNo drugs thanks - we're cyclists
The French Professional Cyclists' Association is in turmoil this week over a series of allegations that some cyclists are not taking drugs.
Read full storyThe Who wants your help
London. The two surviving members of the iconic British rock band The Who have hooked up once again with rockumentary producer Murray Lurie to make a film about the band's turbulent history. Tentatively called "Won't get hard again" (a...
Read full storySatan Appears at White House
WASHINGTON, DC--In a development which has disturbed the evangelical Christian Right supporters of United States President George W. Bush, the Biblical Satan, complete with goatee, horns, a black cape, a pointed tail, and breathing fire and brimstone...
Read full storyBill Gates Pledges $250m to World Health Organisation to combat viruses due to Windows XP
Record numbers of people say they are too stressed out to go to work, according to a report out today from the World Health Organisation. Its report comes after recent figures showed that almost 10% of working people were claiming some type of incapa...
Read full storyParis and Nicole Explore Michael Jackson's Briefs
Leave it to Fox. In a move virtually guaranteed to simultaneously expand its primetime network and cable news viewerships, the self-described "schlock" network has announced a very special May sweeps episode of "The Simple Life: Interns".
Read full storyJackson defense to call Mark Furhman and Abe Foxman to Testify
LOS ANGELES - In a surprise move, Michael Jackson defense attorney Tom Messereau stunned prosecutors by announcing today that he would be calling former Los Angeles Detective Mark Furhman and ADL President Abe Foxman as witnesses. Prosecutors intend...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Resigns from Office After Old Fisherman Warns Him of Spooky Ghost
In what is no doubt the defining event of the 21st Century thus far U.S. President George W. Bush and his entire cabinet have resigned from office due to intelligence indicating a ghostly being known only as the Oil Ugly is now haunting both the U.S.
Read full storyMuslims Flushing Newsweek Down Toilets Over Quran Abuse
In reaction to the story that Newsweek magazine ran about the Holy Quran being flushed down a toilet, Muslims in many countries are getting even by jamming copies of Newsweek into their toilet facilities. In Pakistan, a modest man who asked not to be...
Read full storyScooby-Doo and Velma to Wed
One of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors will officially be pronounced "taken" this Saturday when it was announced at a press conference held today that the beloved Scooby-Doo and his co-star Velma Dinkley will be wed at Grauman's Chinese Theater...
Read full storyCrown Jewels to Fund Royal Cheese Business
A number of Britain's Crown Jewels are to go under the hammer as HM The Queen tries to raise the cash necessary to start up her own organic cheese business.
Read full storyGeneral Motors to Switch Cars to Pedal Power
DETROIT--In a radical move, General Motors has decided to switch to pedal power for all of its car models in the 2006 model year say top executives at the company, who also unveiled their first pedal-powered model.
Read full storyGrenade near ‘Superman' Bush could have exploded
TBILISI, Georgia - An agent for the U.S. FBI said a grenade found near the podium where U.S. President George W. Bush gave a speech last week was live but apparently failed to explode due to a malfunction.
Read full storyItaly Pulls Out 3000 Pizza Delivery Men in Iraq - All Fast Food Outlets to Follow Amid Huge Losses
Italy's Pizza CEO, Silvio Berlusconi, announced plans yesterday on a live chat show to start withdrawing his country's 3,000-strong Pizza Delivery Express service in Iraq in September. The move comes on top of the withdrawal of more th...
Read full storyTraffic Cop ‘Gatso-way' With It.
A traffic cop, who was caught at speeds of between 158 and 160 miles per hour by the newly installed Gatso cameras on the M4, has been cleared of reckless driving today by Judge Ayrton Schumacher at The Old Bailey and can resume his duties of making...
Read full storyEx tells Feds she married Sony's clone after Wacko died on rhinoplasty operating table
Santa Monica Lewinsky, California; Friday 6 May - (Rioters) A distraught Debbie Rowe collapsed in remorse today as Federal investigators probed her on recently submitted evidence in the Michael Jackson perjury trial.
Read full storyNew study out on chaotic origins of solar system
BEND LUCY, Wisc. -- By using an expensive computer, scientists have developed a story of chaos in the creation of our solar system that, they agree, explains mysteries about our solar system.
Read full storyPlanet outside solar system found, debated
NOMOKE, Oregon - Scientists say they have found a giant planet orbiting a distant star. One astronomer figures the planet is five times the mass of Jupiter, at least.
Read full storyElection Results Left in Back of London Cab.
London, 4th May 2005. Former UK Independence Party Candidate Sir Gilroy-Kilt has ordered an enquiry following the discovery of the British General Election results on the back seat of a London cab.
Read full storyLabour victory heralds Sith takeover of Britain
London. Panic has spread through the streets of the English capital and other major cities after an army of black-suited monsters terrorised citizens with swords made from 'beams of light'. As soon as Labour's victory was confirme...
Read full storyDonkey Can't Play Piano - Even Unable To Play Chopsticks.
Ireland - Dundalk farmer, Clive Mancini has failed to teach his donkey how to play the piano - not even chopsticks. The pitifully talentless donkey in question is Asses, a 7 year old mare.
Read full storyRussian extremist: God made me do it!
Self-styled "God's Commando" Aleksei Anatolli has claimed the fires of hell await the owners of a small rural hardware store for selling him a dud hand grenade.
Read full storySame-sex marriage--is it good, bad or what?
The problem with same-sex marriages is the sex of each person. Should we define marriage as a bond between two people who each have the same type of genitals or only as a union of different ones? And what about the genitalia-challenged people, where would they fit? For as long as there have been man and woman, the idea of having one mate has been endorsed. Mostly by women, of course, but t...
Read full storyShe's not heavy, she's my lover.
Most people find love in the usual places. For example, in the modern age of the computer most people are satisfied with spending all of their waking hours trawling through seedy chat rooms in search of that someone special, after all people often sa...
Read full storyThe Bachelor Party That Almost Happened
Senior Editor Martin Chase returned this morning to the D.C. Bureau bullpen to regale us with tales of his Bachelor Party weekend in New Orleans. The outstanding pictures, which, a quick-witted journalist like myself noticed immediately, show absolutely no nightlife or scantily clad women. A wary feeling of disappointment began bubbling within me.
Read full storyPope's Hat - Funny No More
VATICAN CITY, ROME - The entire garment and fashion district of Vatican City is currently in an uproar due to the recent untimely passing of the official papal milliner, blind Brother Bonito Bonnetto. The unfortunate Brother Bonnetto prematurely...
Read full storyWho movie needs those who remember
LOS ANGELES - Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey, the remaining members of The Who, are the subjects of a documentary about the band's history.
Read full storyA pianist keeps own counsel, and hopefully a staff of attorneys
LONDON -- The painfully silent gentleman played a range of music from Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" to Lennon and McCartney. Beyond that, not too much is known about this quiet man who may be in his 20s or 30s, who may be English or not -...
Read full storyLittle Girl Kills in Brooklyn, Understanding Violence
BROOKLYN, New York -- An angry tug-of-war over a rubber ball ended in tragedy yesterday when a 9-year-old Brooklyn girl fatally stabbed her 11-year-old friend.
Read full storyStar Wars Favourite to Commence Stand Up Tour
Los Angeles, CA. - Breaking the stranglehold that Star Wars creator George Lucas has held on him for decades, a contract free C-3P0 announced at a press conference today that he would be embarking on a seventeen city stand up comedy tour of the East...
Read full storyElmo Breaks Down
New York - Sesame Street resident Elmo has checked into a mental health facility after reportedly breaking down in Oscar The Grouch's bin.
Read full storyApple Releases Real Tiger; Publicity Stunt Backfires!
CUPERTINO CALIF (AP) Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs unlocked the cage holding a full-grown Bengal tiger and watched as the tiger figured out that the door was now open. The beautiful tiger then leapt out of the cage and pounced upon several dozen comp...
Read full storyBlair & Bush Love Child
In a seemingly last ditch effort to remain head of the British Labour Party and victorious in the up coming election, the Prime Minister's advisory team, located in the basement of Number 10, have decided they must endeavor to erase the Blair ima...
Read full storyDick Cheney-flown the coop?
BREAKING NEWS: Washington, May 3. Spoof's covert Cabinet level source has disclosed that Dick Cheney, who of course is the Vice President, has not been seen in his office or on the job at all since the State of the Union Address on February...
Read full storyGlick to get ABC news anchor job
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The ABC Network has announced that when Peter Jennings can no longer do the network news program, it will take a radical turn of strategy and hire Martin Short as Jiminy Glick to do the daily program.
Read full storyWilkinson's grandmother included in Lions squad
Tuesday 10th May. London. Clive Woodward was at the centre of another selection storm this morning after naming Jonny Wilkinson's granny in his tour party for New Zealand. Outraged Welsh and Scottish supporters vowed to now support the All Black...
Read full storyAir Force to Bush: We Want a Death Star
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) After attending a sneak preview of "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith", U.S. Air Force officials were more than inspired by the Lucasfilms' pioneering special effects. They were patriotically urged to revive old ties to...
Read full storyVoyager spacecraft could be on verge of mission's end
HOUSTON, Texas - The Voyager 1 spacecraft is on the verge of entering interstellar space, or as space officials call it, "Way, way, way out there land."...
Read full storyU.N. Sends Weapons Inspectors to U.S.
New York, NY- In a sweeping vote by the security council of the United Nations, a clear majority voted to send U.N. weapons inspectors to search the worlds largest democracy.
Read full storyNet Cures Damp
Could the Internet be an answer to the problems of damp? If Mrs Swanson a pole dancer from Newcastle is to be believed then perhaps it is. At the ripe old age of 85 yet with looks that don't put her a day over 83 Mrs Swanson is convinced that the...
Read full storySteinbrenner and Torre Fisticuffs over Kentucky Derby Horses
New York City - New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has had his share of run-ins with managers in the past. During his first 23 seasons of owning the Yankees, he changed Managers 20 times. His relationship with Manager Billy Martin became a...
Read full storyRare snails found
ROBUST, Ind. - A trio of snails thought by most scientists and laymen to be extinct has been rediscovered in the Coosa and Cahaba rivers, according to reports from the Coosa and Cahaba rivers.
Read full storyPrince Harry's double begins army career - Harry sent to luxury holiday complex
Prince Harry has been smuggled to a luxury Mediterranean complex whilst his double will undertake the gruelling 5 week induction course at Sandhurst. The five-week initiation, described by Sandhurst itself as "five weeks of living hell" would have be...
Read full storyRepentant Bush Promises Truth and Change, Admits "We Did It For the Oil"
WASHINGTON, DC-A repentant and contrite-looking United States President George W. Bush has admitted that his Administration misled the world about the reasons for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and promised to tell the truth from now on at a well-...
Read full storyAbu Ghraib General Given Stern Talking To
WASHINGTON - Brigadier General Janis Karpinski was given a stern talking to and received a nasty letter over her role in the Abu Ghraib prison torture scandal. She was also admonished by President George W. Bush "not to let that happen...
Read full storyScientists Link Vandalism to Excessive Oedipal Masturbation
Research Proves What Victims...
Read full storyBush pushes to remove "Democracy" from public view
In a short policy update brief today, president George bush explained that one of the policy changes he planned to make during his second term would change the way we describe our government, " It's more of a word change than anything. Democ...
Read full storyGreat Britain: Partner In Axis Of Evil?
LYNCHBURG, VA - Prominent Southern Baptist minister, bon vivant and evangelical wunderkind, Jerry Falwell, recently appeared on Fox News recommending that Great Britain should be included on President Bush's "Axis of Evil" list. He...
Read full storyDemocrats Scramble Bombers, Prepare "Nuclear Option"
Washington (AP)--In a sign of escalating tensions over the right to block judicial nominees, Democrats announced Tuesday that they had scrambled a bomber squadron capable of executing a "nuclear option."...
Read full storyTerrorists Strike National Park
MOUNT ST. HELENS NATIONAL MONUMENT, Wash. (AP)--A string of suicide bombers rocked Mount St. Helens National Park on Monday in what federal homeland security officials are describing as "the most brazen attack on US soil since September 11."...
Read full storyJesus Joins Film cast of DaVinci Code
The film version of the DaVinci code is set to begin production in June for a Spring 2006 release. The lead male role has been given to Tom Hanks. In a stunning victory for director Ron Howard he convinced Jesus to play himself in the film Version...
Read full storyThe unforgettable incident of the Mars-Bar in the Vending Machine
Wednesday, 25 May Fuming. I have no money in the world right now, but, searching through my bag, I was blessed with two fifty pence pieces. Not believing my luck, I rushed to the canteen and put one on my card, and bought a cup of soup, (35 pence, 15 left over). Having guzzled that straight down (The croutons were fabulous!) I decided upon treating myself with the remaining 50p. Sinful,...
Read full storyBush Gets All His News from Spoof News Websites
I was lucky to have a rare, exclusive interview with President Bush earlier this week at the White House. Even Bush was surprised when I showed up. "Didn't they give you trouble at the gate?" he asked. "No sir," I replied. "I just shaved my head...
Read full storyNew Jersey Builders to Evict 1 Million Residents; 500,000 More to Be Resettled in Connecticut
Trenton, NJ--Not content with developing, ravaging, and pillaging the formerly rural state of New Jersey, several major builders in the state have begun evicting 1 million residents from several areas, such as Camden, Trenton, New Brunswick, Newark,...
Read full storyApple's Jobs says company will talk to Podpeople
SAN FRANCISCO - Apple Computer Inc. will support and organize podcasts in the next version of its iTunes and iPod software, in order to communicate with the Podpeople of planet Xanyre 7 said chief executive Steve Jobs in an interview yesterday.
Read full storyWilbanks to host new show, "The Amazing Chicken Race"
Duluth Georgia- After arriving back in her home town, Jennifer Wilbanks was instantly whisked away by officials who wanted to get their money's worth in publicity. Not before Jennifer could sign a TV contract for her own show. Fox was hot on her...
Read full storyPope Appoints Washington New Patron Saint
WASHINGTON, DC - Washington area Catholics are gearing up for one of the most important religious events of the new century. Due to the extreme difficulty in finding any verifiable virgins over the age of 11 in the nation's capital, His Holin...
Read full storyAndy Lam – He likes the ladies
Hello, hello, hello, hello! Andy Lam here, with SEASON’S GREETINGS!!!! “What season?,” you may be wondering -- SPRING TIME, when a young man’s FANCY turns to LOVE. Ah, yes, that oh so wonderful FOUR LETTER WORD. While my YOUTH may be suspect, my VIRILITY cannot be called into question, no, not by a LONG SHOT. Nor, frankly, can my readiness to worship at the alter of APHRODITE!! And so...
Read full storyWoman Trapped in Bathroom Endures 14 Hours of Piped-In Music
Ladue, MO--A woman who was stuck in a Schnuck's supermarket bathroom for 14 hours without her cell phone and forced to listen to an endless loop of "elevator" and New Age music, while she repeatedly yelled for help to no avail, has file...
Read full storyDriving Miss Crazy
I love to travel. Except in the old tri-colored Plymouth (all shades of green – pale, vomit, and sit-by-the-toilet-till-you-feel-better) that we owned when our family moved across the country for 63rd time. While my husband drove his new 4x4 Chevy truck (insert sound of bass guitar pings here), I drove the Puke Mobile, hauling an ancient, homemade plywood utility trailer piled with two stories wor...
Read full storyAsk Your Doctor About Umbilicex.
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Paris Hilton are just a few of the big stars who have been taking Umbilicex for years. If you are one of the millions of people who are embarrassed by the appearance of your belly button, prescription strength Umbilice...
Read full storyL.A. Mayor Descendant of Zorro
The office of Antonio Villaraigosa, newly elected mayor of Los Angeles, and first Latino mayor in 133 years, announced today that he is, in fact, a descendant of the legendary figure Zorro, a hero who fought for the rights of disenfranchised peasants...
Read full story