The Daily Swill, Hollywood CA - Citing insufficient assets and his desire to give back to his loyal fans, George Lucas, the true super hero behind the Star Wars movie empire, announced today that he would release 32 additional Star Wars movies over the next 96 years.
The news comes on the same day that Lucas' supposed Star Wars' swan song Revenge of the Sith premieres today in theaters worldwide, and more surprising, just a few days after Lucas' statement of a few days ago of what amounted to "No More Star Wars Movies."
"Yes I know what I said and I said what I meant", stated Lucas, "but my fans have spoken and I owe them a great deal of gratitude. Where would I be without their love? Plus there are some small countries that I have been dying to acquire and the proceeds of these movies constitute a substantial down payment."
Using bribery of the worst kind including but not limited to pigs, ivory, and blackmail, the Swill obtained an exclusive random sampling of titles that Lucas has decided upon, in no particular order:
Han and Luke - Spring Break on Planet Sharapova, Parts 1, 2, 3, 4.....
Attack of the Good Guys
The Retaliation of the Bad Guys
The Revenge of the Ugly Guys
Princess Leia - the Awkward Teenage Years (Starring Paris Hilton)
Flying High and Dreaming Big: R2D2 and C3P0 OD on WD-40
E.R. Space Edition - Queen Amidala Breaks a Royal Fingernail
Pain of Ages: Chewbacca's Root Canal
Vader's Asthma: The Truth Behind the Voice
The Walking Days: The Millennium Falcon Gets a Tune Up
Jabba the Hot: The Ultimate Makeover
Boring This Is: The Complete Poems of Yoda
Sith Down and Thut Up - Yooth the Futh- The Lisping Year of Obi Wan Kenobi
Wookie Cookies & Flockhart Fettucine - Simply Scrumptious Recipes of Han Solo
May the Force Be With You or Without You: I Really Don't Care Either Way
Why Won't You Die? - The Return of Jar Jar Binks
When asked how, at age 60 he will create 32 full length films in his lifetime, Lucas replied "With the aid of computer programs, improved technology and the overall lack of new ideas and quality plots in movies today, all I have to do is roll out products that are better than my competition, and that is very easy to do, even if my products are, in my estimation, mediocre like Revenge of the Sith. I intend to have all of them completed by next summer using 100% computer generation and release one every three years. I intend to own the majority of the world's continents by 2050, and Bill (referring to Bill Gates) and I plan to own the planet by 2100.
When it was mentioned to him that he would be 159 years old and dead by the time the last movie was released, Lucas' merely smiled, and with eyes twinkling, softly stated "What makes you think I intend to be dead? Cryogenic technology is a wonderful thing, and much more advanced than you think. I can assure you that I will be very much alive and well positioned financially, psychologically, and physically to thrive in the REAL Star Wars era."
