Written by Chuck the Canuck

Sunday, 8 May 2005

VATICAN CITY, ROME - The entire garment and fashion district of Vatican City is currently in an uproar due to the recent untimely passing of the official papal milliner, blind Brother Bonito Bonnetto. The unfortunate Brother Bonnetto prematurely boarded the shuttle to paradise thanks to a freak manhole incident while on his way to confirm the newly elected pope's hat size.

In a highly controversial move, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, ignored tradition and for the first time in nearly five hundred years circumvented the College of Cardinals and immediately appointed a non Italian to the exalted office of "Produttore Di Divertente Cappelli" to the pope.

To a room full of raised, bushy, greying eyebrows and red hats, the Pope announced that he was appointing fellow countryman and master hat maker, Bavarian Benedictine Brother Bosco DeBeannie to the post of official holy hat maker. For the last three hundred years, the coveted position had been passed down, father to father, brother to brother, by a community of mystic monks in the secretive order of, the "Fabulous Friars of the Flamboyant Fez". Credited with the creation of the tall pointy hat so popular with past popes, the recently spurned Fabulous Friars have sublet their cells in the fashionable garment district and retreated to their monastery to contemplate next years line.

Al Ligorie, fashion editor for Pope Watch, warned there may be more surprises on the horizon, "While it may be well known that Pope Benedict is a of a very conservative mind set when it comes to religious doctrine, it isn't so well known that he possesses a very refined and unique fashion sense. Expect to see less flocked drapery material and more Cabrera leather, fewer embroidered moo-moos and more fashionably tailored dark wool suits. It is rumored that the Swiss Guard are about to give up their striped puffy pyjamas and spats in exchange for black turtlenecks, charcoal grey knickers and knee high black leather boots".

Papal fashion insiders are telling the faithful to expect a sophisticated blend of German engineering and contemporary Italian couture. Pop culture critic for the Papal Beat, Zach Relidgious, explains, "While the Popes early years in Germany did very little to contribute to his theological philosophy, they greatly influenced his fashion sense".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pope, Vatican

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