Top 10 Reasons Why Michael Jackson Needs to Go to Prison:

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Saturday, 28 May 2005

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10. Michael Jackson's nose. That disgusting chunk of plastic that Jackson now parades around as "his nose" is an affront to even the least talented Hollywood plastic surgeon. Michael Jackson has refused to face up to the fact that he no longer has a nose. A few years in the slammer will help him overcome his desire for the perfect nose.

9. Michael Jackson destroyed the umbrella industry. His constant use of umbrellas -- even on bright sunny days -- made many people associate the use of umbrellas with whack-o behavior. As a result, many people now go without an umbrella even when it's pouring down the rain. The National Umbrella Council recommends a long prison term for Michael Jackson.

8. Michael Jackson dangled his baby from a balcony. Although most of the world was aghast at Michael's endangering the life of his child, many people were secretly hoping that the baby would die - thereby saving the world from a future generation of Michael Jackson antics.

7. Michael Jackson's sister Janet. Having such a messed up sister like Janet Jackson caused a sudden interest in nipple-flashing in America. Few people were able to resist imitating Michael Jackson's sister Janet.

6. Michael Jackson's responsibility for numerous dented car roofs. The man is incapable of walking by a car without jumping up on the roof of the car and scuffing the paint. This wanton destruction of private property needs to be dealt with in a harsh manner.

5. Michael Jackson's complete lack of taste. The King of Pop goes on obscene shopping sprees buying any piece of garbage he finds. California boutique shops have become so used to the singer's abysmal lack of taste, they now import all of their merchandise from New Jersey.

4. Michael Jackson built the Neverland Pedophile Theme Park. Mr. Jackson's only purpose in his Neverland is to lure young boys into sleeping with the nose-less pop star. The close resemblance of Neverland to Disneyland has made the public wonder about the late Walt Disney. After Michael Jackson is sent to prison, Neverland needs to be demolished.

3. Michael Jackson cannot sing. All of his albums are lip-synched. It is also widely suspected that Michael Jackson has someone stand in for all his dance routines. Perhaps he will have more time to practice in a jail cell.

2. Michael Jackson lost a glove. His mother told him many times to be careful not to lose his mittens, but he ignored his mother's warnings.


…and the #1 reason Michael Jackson needs to go to prison:

1. Somewhere in the California penal system there is a convict that needs a cellmate. This convict will be able to give Michael Jackson the full measure of his love and the close, constant attention Michael needs in order to redeem himself as the King of Pop.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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