Written by Kyle Emall

Tuesday, 3 May 2005

image for eBay Prosecutes First "Bid-snatcher"
clod666 (23604 power buyer) Now spends his time rent free making just as much money as he always has.

Here you sit waiting for the final minutes to drip by as you wait expentantly for the Limmited Edition signed XXL black T-Shirt from the premiere party of Hellraiser III to drop into your sweaty stubby fingers. Then, just as you throw back the last gulp of you Big Gulp, you get a mail notice thirty seconds before your item is up stating, "You've been outbid buy another bidder. Frantically clicking away, awaiting your dial up to reload page after worthless page of sign ins, the bidding closes, and clod666 (23604 power seller!) wins it from under you...again. Cursing you didn't buy that Bidnapper program, you throw your external modem across the room , smashing it to what seems to be your rare Bake-lite 1938 dial phone. Symbolic huh, you got that hunk of crap on eBay the last time you were binging on Southern Comfort.

Well, if that scenario has been played out all too many times in your life have no fear, because clod666 (23604 power buyer!) is now going to be walking into a court room facing eBays enterage of overpaid laywers. A new action posted last week announced that the last 10 minutes of bidding is closed to "Outside Bidders" as a way of curbing the notorius Bid-Snatcher. An outside bidder is one who has not yet posted a bid before the 10 minute buying period. So there still may be outbid notices flying around within the 10 minute time period, but only from interested and dedicated buyers who really care about what they get on line. It also encourages would be buyers to chime in their bids early, giving a slight boost to sellers, instead of people just watching, they are more apt to putting $0.02-or $0.03, on several hundred items just for the chance of coming back the last 30 seconds and pissing someone else off!

eBay commented on the ruling saying that it wasn't in the best interest of fair play, but just a way to shut some of those whinny, penny pinching Dutch minded old farts who still used external modems and run AOL 4.0 on their Macs!

As for clod666 (23604 power buyer), well lets just say he's recieving his packages via the State of Wisconsin Correctional Facility, but watch out, all of his 23604 positive feedbacks were from bids he snatched with his own personal designed program, and he is now selling his new program on eBay, one that places a fraction of a penny on every bid you look at, the buyer doesn't sell it to you if your the only bidder, but it doe put you in that ten minute range to yank it away from gramps4ever (3)!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: eBay, hellraiser

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
38 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more