The Who wants your help

Funny story written by Chief Cheese

Sunday, 29 May 2005


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Keith Moon, dead for three days, re-animated for a show in Brighton

London. The two surviving members of the iconic British rock band The Who have hooked up once again with rockumentary producer Murray Lurie to make a film about the band's turbulent history. Tentatively called "Won't get hard again" (an obvious twist on their last studio album-1982's 'It's Hard') the film is scheduled to come out next year, even though production has yet to start, and no new material (considered crucial to the success of the film) has yet surfaced. A CD and DVD set are scheduled for release shortly thereafter.

"This will be stuff that was missed earlier…stuff never seen before," said Lurie. "We're looking for amateur bootlegs of the band-members fighting, smashing instruments, vomiting, passing out, collapsing on-stage, sleeping during songs, having sex with groupies on-stage during songs, writing music, and otherwise playing up to the limit of their ability. Color preferred, but black and white would be OK. Even snaps would be good at this point. Do you have anything?"

Lurie went on. "The heyday of the band was while Keith Moon was still alive, of course. He was a live wire, to put it mildly. He once played while shocking himself with the high-voltage from John Entwistle's bass guitar amp-one wire in each hand-taped beneath his drumsticks-with the circuit completed right across his chest."

"Keith was indeed one of a kind-the most amped-up, always pissed, one-inch-from-death, living-for-the-moment, never-to-drunk-to-screw, did-I-miss-another-show, never-in-his-right-mind, hey-can-I-borrow-a-fiver, bitch-better-have-my-money, I-fell-asleep-in-the-tube, was-that-really-your-mum band-mate," said Roger Daltrey, one of the band's two remaining non-deceased members. "I really miss him now. I didn't when he finally died, but I do now."

"I remember one time Keith was on-stage and we were playing a show in Leeds," said ex band-mate Pete Townsend. "Some bird came up on stage and, shall we say, buffed his drumstick. Right during the show. I vaguely remember seeing her-kind of laying over the top of the kick-drum. What I remember more clearly, though, was that she puked all over his shoes-and he tore them off and heaved them in to the audience. All while he was playing! Later we learned ‘she' was a ‘he'. Leeds was a wild place! I wrote a song about the whole incident later-‘Won't get fooled again'. But I swear all he needed was one foot and one hand to play. Having two of each just made it easy for him. Tossing the shoes though! Incredible! Normally he used beer to wash his shoes off during the show. Guiness. It had to be Guiness. It was in our contract."

If you or anyone you know has bootleg footage from a concert from The Who, take our advice and hang on to it-at least for a little while. Let them get desperate first.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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