Jackson defense to call Mark Furhman and Abe Foxman to Testify

Funny story written by WJ Stone

Friday, 13 May 2005

image for Jackson defense to call Mark Furhman and Abe Foxman to Testify
Furhman: "I don't know the hell they want me for."

LOS ANGELES - In a surprise move, Michael Jackson defense attorney Tom Messereau stunned prosecutors by announcing today that he would be calling former Los Angeles Detective Mark Furhman and ADL President Abe Foxman as witnesses. Prosecutors intend to argue that testimony from either of the two would be irrelevant, and the witnesses should be barred from the trial.

Furhman, who made international headlines during the O.J. Simpson trial, is expected to testify that he has used the ‘N' word sometimes since 1985. Defense attorneys for Jackson are hoping that Mr. Fuhrman will lie on the stand again, thereby distracting jurors from the damning evidence presented by prosecutors in the previous 3 months of the sensational trial. When reached for comment, Furhman said "I don't know what the hell they want me for, I never even met the guy." The defense also contends that Jackson was deeply offended by Furhman during the year-long Simpson trial.

In addition to Mark Furhman, Messereau also plans to call Abraham Foxman, president of the Anti-Defamation League to testify that Jackson is not an anti-Semite. Though he has never been accused of making anti-Semitic remarks against anyone, the defense is hoping to bore the jury to the point where they will begin to forget the evidence presented earlier in the case.

On the courthouse steps Messereau addressed a crowd of Jackson supporters stating "He's not an anti-Semite, he hates the ‘N' word, and he never molested Macaulay Culkin, even when he slept in the same bed with the boy during his weekly visits. This should prove his innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. " Messereau also suggested that the boy may have mistakenly thought that some of the innocent games played by Jackson constituted molestation.

Culkin recently testified that Jackson never did anything improper, and only visited the Jackson Ranch to play innocent games of leapfrog and horsey while dressed only in their underwear. Jackson reacted by putting his hat in his lap during the testimony.

The defense is also expected to introduce several other boys, some of whom have never met Jackson, who will testify that they too were never molested by the king of pop.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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