Donald Trump Has Kept Promise To Make America Grate Again
As President Donald Trump stumbles from disaster to disaster to disaster, through initial inactivity over the Coronavirus, overactivity in prescribing its miraculous bleaching agent 'cure', and heavy-handed reactivity in his recent 'mob dispersal tec…
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British Woman Impaled on US Beach
A British woman was left in spasms of ecstasy on a beach at Seaside Heights in Ocean County, New Jersey, today when a freak accident caused an umbrella to impale her. Velvet Cunningham was innocently sunbathing in a two piece bikini when the beach...
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Australia Rejects Trump's Offer of Support
Australia has rejected US President Donald Trump's offer to send help to wombats stricken by the recent bush fires. Following the news of the bush fires, Trump told a press briefing that he had instructed unnamed companies to contact Australia in...
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Stupid Slogans
You know, there is an advertising slogan so illogical and frustrating that I cannot and will not allow it to go uncritiqued anymore (I have been losing sleep over this). It is for a certain chain of restaurants here in America (maybe started abroad). The restaurant is Outback Steakhouse and it's slogan is — No Rules, Just Right.
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Lenin's ‘Utopia' Founded on America
Documents released under Russia's 80-year freedom of information laws reveal that the Bolshevik leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin modelled his communist blueprint on… America.
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Pregnant with twins? Britney Spears and new Pakistani beau caught shopping for pregnancy testing kits! Is Al-Qaeda renting Brit's womb to make more militants? I want to have 12 warrior sons says 'suicidal' Brit.
KAH-LEE-FOR-NEE-AH, 'UNTIED' STATES OF AMERICA:...
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Boy Scouts to Study Safe Erections
Donald Rumsfeld Explains All and Nothing
Videogames Claim Another Life
Dennis Rodman Apologizes To Kim Jong Un For His USA Team Blowing Out The North Korean All-Star Team
The FCC Stops The XFL Dead In It's Tracks From Making A Rumored Comeback
Bush calls for 'Justice League' in Iraq transition
George W. Bush Comments on the Values of America
UK Oral Sex Inspector Seconded To USA
America, This is a Test!
Bush Mobilizes Troops for Border Control
Replace Social Security with National Lottery, Says Bush
Patriots to be sent to Iraq; replaced with enemy combatants in time for Super Bowl
Men Died After Eating Cabbage
In two separate incidents, thousands of miles apart, two men died in extraordinarily-similar circumstances yesterday - after consuming cabbage. The men - Thomas Jeffers, 45, of New Jersey, and Nickovitch Kuryakin, 48, from Nizhny Novgorod in Russia - were both healthy, middle-aged men, happily-married with two and seven children respectively, both worked for their respective governments, drank...
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Donald Trump Calls Boris Johnson His Long Lost Poodle
Speaking from the Rose Garden to reporters today, Donald Trump congratulated Boris Johnson as his selection as Prime Minister of Great Britain. "I don't really understand what makes Britain great since they lost our colonies, but I think that's fine,...
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Alabama Town Fights PAN-demic
In one US town, people have gone to extreme lengths to ensure their community's safety during the Coronavirus outbreak. In Horsesniffer, Alabama, piles of kitchen cookware have begun to build up at the local dumps, while they await incineration.
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Nude Newborn Shocks Doc
Presque Isle, ME - If any more evidence of America's moral decay were needed, it came at 4:17 yesterday afternoon. In a delivery room at the Aroostook Medical Center, Dr. Joyce Hebert brought a healthy 7.7 lbs. baby boy into this world; but imagine...
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US Denies Allegations of Causing Anti-French Sentiment
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States has today denied any wrongdoing of fostering negative feelings towards the French before the War on Iraq began. Many critics of America, mainly liberals, have accused the United States of creating prejudice to a...
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NRA Rolls Out Paintball Guns for New Initiative Saying: “No More Blood, Just Paint”
Earlier today, Colonel Oliver North, the President of the NRA, announced his new gun initiative called, “No More Blood, Just Paint.” Due to the national news tragedies involving guns, specifically school shootings, North believed he had to take a st...
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Trump Cancels the 1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo with Mexico
President Trump signed an executive order today to unilaterally cancel the 1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. Under the treaty at the end of the Mexican-American War, on July 4, 1848, the United States agreed to pay Mexico US$15 million for the lan...
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Bush to America: Support Your Troops...We Can't
George W. Bush, speaking at California's Camp Pendleton, asked Americans to "Support our Troops". In a speech to the assembled soldiers Mr. Bush said, "Americans need to give our troops the support they need. We in the government would like to suppor...
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Trump Vows To Ban Arabic Numerals In Case They Have ISIS Sleeper Cell Ties
In anther appeal to anti-Islamic sentiment republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has stated that he intends to rid the country of Arabic numerals for security reasons. During one of his narcissistic tirades in the middle of a campaign spee...
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Nation Forgets Why They Are Outraged
In an almost-unprecedented event, the entirety of the United States seemingly forgot what it was that they were outraged about this morning. The phenomenon hasn’t been experienced since mid-September of 2013, and experts are hard at work to determine...
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New England States Declare Independence from USA
After Senator John Kerry's slim defeat in the U.S. elections yesterday, Governors of the states of Massachusets, Maine, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Rhode Island and New Hampshire met in secret session last night (Wednesday) and this morning announced that they were declaring unilateral independence from the United States of America. Their spokeswoman issued a short press release as follows: "...
Read full storyFunny America Headlines
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Animal Rights Activists Urge "Mercy for Mosquitoes"
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Look! Up in the Sky...It's a Bird...It's a Plane...No, It's a TAX!
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Virtual Ayn Rand to run for U.S. presidency
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China surpass the U.S
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Bush Proposes Making the Ostrich Our National Bird
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US charge 6 in Iran Satellite debacle
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Trump sucks egg out of chicken during interview
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William Barr Issues New Four Page Summary; Rules that U.S. is Legally "Still a Monarchy"
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Black Lives Matter Joined By Other Colors That Matter
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Report: Parliament considered invading the US, citing nation is in an “Existential Crisis”
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Reagan Dead- Critics and Admirers Comment from Afterlife
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Pope Benedict Urges Muslims to Give Up Their Oil to Christian Corporations Like Exxon Mobil
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Lego Announces Plans to Start Making Prosthetic Limbs
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Uncle Sam desperately needs you
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King Paul senile, alleges Prince Richard
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Wake up, America. It's all just a bad dream.
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New Facebook Quiz Triggers Large Movement of Users to States They Should Be Living
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New Blockbuster Bond Movie Set to Break Records
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BATTL V Trump
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New Laws Have A Point (that will be pressed into your stomach)
