Famous German standup comedian and part-time dictator Adolf Hitler today surprised the world by saying he now admires the USA.
'Of course I do', he said from Frau Wizzelhoffen's cake shop in Munich, 'the Americans are now carrying out all my policies! They've armed every murderous fascist regime in the world, from Israel to Uruguay.'
'They have successfully fought and defeated the Reds by undermining Russia itself, turning it into a nightmare run by gangsters. Everywhere in the world sees American terrorists, carefully disguised as 'freedom fighters', to keep the idiots that pay for them with their taxes happy, and those idiots actually believe it all.'
'And as for Europe, did I not set out to create a European superstate ruled from Berlin with a little help from Paris?I DON'T admire how Americans have failed to spot that the Third Reich is still running away nicely, I just wish those blasted British were as dumb as Americans are! No hiding a German-controlled empire from those schweinhunds!'
Former President George H. Bush thanked Herr Hitler for his generous comments, adding 'Everything I did was inspired by Adolf's work - from illegal invasions of whole countries to arming maniacs to mass-murder a Semitic people in Gaza City.'
'Yeppers, the Nazis were my inspiration.' And his son, George 'Duh' Cretin, said 'Heck, the great thing about the Americalian population is that they believe any old shit the TV tells 'em. And if TV says Israel is a democracy and Americans aren't in Iraq for oil, those suckers actually misunderbelieve it all! Can I go out and play now, Daddy?'
Some have suggested that George H. Bush is in fact one of the worst war criminals in history, and someone who single-handedly made the entire world turn against the USA, no mean feat as America was the most popular country in the world only 20 years ago, but is now a pariah that nobody likes in 2009. When even the British now despise America you just know it's time to realise the USA is either finished or needs to change - something which it can't do. Meanwhile, more and more Americans are now emigrating back to Europe.
'They know where things are going', Hitler said, 'the European Union will soon match and even top the USA as a united wealthy nation, but one that looks ahead not backwards. The fact that American soldiers are fighting in the British colonies of Iraq and Afghanistan shows just how feeble the USA now is. And Europeans have no hangups about state socialism and national health care systems, so I'm beginning to no longer admire the USA.'
'In fact - not now Eva, I'm waffling pish like an American President - in fact, what exactly is the point of the USA existing now in the 21st. century? Looks like Deutschland and Japan really came out as winners from World War Two, Britain were brave runners up and are still in the game, but Americans were the real losers.'
'The world's cleaning boys now, running around cleaning up British and German and French colonial messes for them while they sit around laughing at the once mighty United States of America now reduced to sending their hopeless soldiers to die in Iraq to keep their oil supplies flowing nicely. Saps.'
The United States of America - now about as powerful and relevant as the Republic of Ireland. In other words, all talk and no action. Looks like the British still rule the world, then, hee hee hee. At least Irish and Americans have their own flags and national anthems.
Wow, The British have such self-confidence most of them would happily like to see their own 'flag' burnt, and most of them refuse to even sing their own so-called 'anthem'. America and Ireland, two nations that have achieved nothing since independence from Britain, but sure like to go on and on about all they haven't achieved. Next thing they'll invent their own language.