Tom Frist Heals the Blind: Trust Me.

Funny story written by wadenelson

Sunday, 25 September 2005

image for Tom Frist Heals the Blind: Trust Me.

Nashville -- Forget LASIK, white canes, or seeing eye dogs. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., has miraculously healed the blind trust which once blinded him to values of stock in Hospital Corporation of America (HCA) . While he has yet to heal a leper or walk on water, "'healing the blind,' trust me," he says, is a powerful first step.

Frist, worth an estimated $35 million dollars placed his investments in a blind trust over which he would have little knowledge or say, in order that he may serve in Washington without giving any favor to firms in which he had an investment. Not so, according to recent reports.

Blind and crippled investors from as far away as Lourdes, France have reportedly begun showing up at Frist's Senate office, asking that their portfolio's be healed.

Frist's timely decision to unload HCA stock from several of his blind trusts at the same moment insiders in the company began dumping shares could just all be a coincidence, consoled fellow inside trader Martha Stewart. "If they don't get him on paper, chances are he'll escape going to "Yale" like I did.

Frist sold his HCA stock from several blind trusts this summer, at a time when insiders in the company also were selling off shares worth $112 million from January through June. Frist aides say he sold his stock to avoid any appearance of a conflict of interest.

Frist said earlier this year, "So as far as I know, I own no HCA stock. It is illegal right now for me to know what the composition of those trusts are. So I have no idea how come the executors decided to dump the stock , even those one executor wrote to Frist two weeks earlier that HCA stock was contributed to the trust. It was valued at $15,000 and $50,000.

So in other words, while he may be healing portfolios, curing democratic leprosy, and forgiving the FDA it's sins, Frist lied. Out and out. Cold. Perjury.

"So where do we go from here?" asked voters, when our faith in yet another faith healer gets shot to heck. PatRobertson wants to kill people in the name of God, Frist can only heal his own blind trust, it seems, and the man God talks to, George Bush, can't seem to dodge a hurricane 350 miles wide.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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