After yesterday's news that UK residents aged over 70 might be required to remain under lockdown until at least the autumn of 2021, a new leak has emerged claiming that Prime Minister Boris Johnson is currently discussing an even more radical plan fo...
In his first action as Prime Minister after being seriously ill due to coronavirus, Boris Johnson has ordered that every man, woman and child "dress up as a letterbox" to prevent the disease's spread. Sixty-five million "Boris burqas" have been or...
Dear Sir, I seen on Farcebooke video what that porstman with the lickine his fingures. Then. Smered is spit all ovure the old ladie's' lettuer box and door frame's. Anyways luke at the nose on it. With a no'se like that his obvs a fuckin Musli...
A man who would not reveal his identity for fear of appearing somewhat strange, has told of how he often talks to himself. Talking to oneself is considered by many people to suggest something eccentric, quirky, or even mad, but our man said he fin...
Australia has rejected US President Donald Trump's offer to send help to wombats stricken by the recent bush fires. Following the news of the bush fires, Trump told a press briefing that he had instructed unnamed companies to contact Australia in...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Two days after British health minister Matt Hancock said he had tested positive for coronavirus and was self-isolating at home with mild symptoms, he announced that a countrywide ban on sheep threesomes was forthcoming. Coincid...
There's been a grave announcement from Buckingham Palace in the last few minutes, to say that the Coronavirus is to be charged with High Treason. And they're not kidding! The virus originally surfaced in China in January, but, instead of being...
Prime Minister Boris Johnson may have spoken to the nation, and laid down the law telling people to stay at home during the Coronavirus crisis, with all pubs and clubs to shut, but, for one public house, in particular, this arrangement will not apply...
You know things are at a critical stage when government leaders offer to meet a virus for negotiations, but that is exactly the announcement that came out of Downing Street this morning, when the British prime minister, Boris Johnson, told members of...
If you look out through your curtains and see a big, bald, fat bloke with tattoos and a bailiff’s badge on a chain round his neck striding up to your front door, don’t be alarmed. Although he IS probably going to nick your telly and laptop, and smash...
Behind the back of a Greggs, a hooded ne'er-do-well is subtly offering his wares to passers-by. "Quilted!" he whispers, "3-ply super-soft." He offers to sell me a twelve-pack of Andrex for £50. I manage to haggle the price down to £40 - I really need...
In an unexpectedly open display of support for Muslims in Britain, the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has converted to Islam. "This should put an end, once and for all, to those doltish claims that Islamophobia is rife in the Conservative party. N...
Today's newspapers all feature the same grotesque photograph of the Prime Minister slobbering over his girlfriend Carrie Symonds like a bonobo humping a mannequin. By boasting about impregnating yet another woman in a coordinated press release, h...
Severe weather warnings across Europe have been issued, after high winds were spotted spiralling across the English Channel towards the continent. A weather watcher on the cliffs of Dover said he was able to make out a giant face in the swirling air,...
Yes, he's at it again. That fiendish cloak-and-dagger Downing Street elf, Dominic Cummings, almost landed a coup this week in appointing Andrew Sabisky to his team, but the latter's outspoken belief in eugenics, and his bizarre idea of thus improving...
In perhaps the most controversial announcement yet of Boris Johnson's brief premiership, his chief adviser, Dominic Cummings, has revealed that he is planning a eugenics programme for the people of the UK. Births are to be strictly regulated, with...
British Home Secretary Priti Patel received a warning from London’s top cop, about her sexy smile and charming personality. The 37-year-old Indian-origin politician, who is the darling of the right of the Tory party, with her tub-thumping policies on...
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