Johnson converts to Islam

Written by T. Loaf

Friday, 6 March 2020

image for Johnson converts to Islam
'I'll miss the angels' said Johnson

In an unexpectedly open display of support for Muslims in Britain, the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has converted to Islam.

"This should put an end, once and for all, to those doltish claims that Islamophobia is rife in the Conservative party. Nonsense, utter nonsense!" Johnson was seen kneeling in the London Central Mosque just off Regent's Park, alongside his political rival and London Mayor, Sadiq Khan: a breathtaking image.

"Actually, I'm a bit of a carpet fetishist", admitted Johnson. "We have plenty of rugs in Downing Street. Carrie makes sure Dylin the dog doesn't foul them all up. He's a Muslim now, too."

Reception for the former Christian at the mosque was lukewarm, particularly as he wanted to immediately lead prayers after walking in and refusing to take his shoes off, claiming the Velcro strap was broken.

"Yes, I was simply fed up with Christianity. And the ordination of women didn't help. Female priests are as randy as the next girl...sorry Carrie...but due to the black garb, my desire faltered for the ecclesiastical hussy. Looking forward to getting my hands on those hijabs, niqabs and burkas. You really don't know what to expect. Stimulating, what? Probably need a bigger carpet, though."

Labour announced it is to draw level, and Jeremy Corbyn has converted to Judaism. The laws of the Torah are to be laid open on the table of the Commons, alongside the Koran, which has been personally signed by Johnson. "For no fee, I hasten to add," he hastened to add. "And I've ordered Dominic C. to realign women's rights in Islam. I'd like to have them down here on the floor with me. Sure he can sort that out."

SNP commander, Nicola Sturgeon, was not to be outdone. "Right. I'll become a crofter. Is that a religion?"

More or less, Nicola, more or less...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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