Police warn Priti Patel to stop smiling sexily at people

Funny story written by Cleopatra Chaos

Wednesday, 19 February 2020

image for Police warn Priti Patel to stop smiling sexily at people
Priti Patel's sexy smile - men, beware. Women, beware also.

British Home Secretary Priti Patel received a warning from London’s top cop, about her sexy smile and charming personality. The 37-year-old Indian-origin politician, who is the darling of the right of the Tory party, with her tub-thumping policies on crime and immigration, is considered one of the best lookers in government, and, indeed, in the House of Commons.

Trouble is, her coquettish expression promises more than it delivers, and reduces most men around her to babbling wrecks. She’s always among the first to leave Cabinet meetings, as all the men have to wait for certain parts of their body to return to normal after she has gone. At one such meeting, there was an audible “boing” from Boris Johnson’s part of the room when Mrs Patel entered, followed by an equally audible “Owch, goddamit! Stupid table got in the way”.

Male politicians of all parties are terrified of Mrs Patel, since she, as one anonymous Labour backbencher put it “makes me go all wet and gooey”.

But the problem isn’t limited to male politicians. Well-known Scots carpet-muncher, Mhairi Black, said, “Ma heid’s mince around her, ken? I wannae get a hold of her bahooky and dae a wee bit o’ hokin’ around.”

Commissioner Cressida Dick, who is completely immune to the charms of both men and women, said, "Mrs Patel has been politely asked to turn her charm down a little bit to keep the peace".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more