Eastenders: Queen Vic Given Special Dispensation To Stay Open During Coronavirus Pandemic

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 24 March 2020

image for Eastenders: Queen Vic Given Special Dispensation To Stay Open During Coronavirus Pandemic
Extras mill about outside the Queen Vic last night

Prime Minister Boris Johnson may have spoken to the nation, and laid down the law telling people to stay at home during the Coronavirus crisis, with all pubs and clubs to shut, but, for one public house, in particular, this arrangement will not apply.

The Queen Vic, in Walford, is the pub where the regulars of the BBC's miserable soap 'EastEnders' meet to moan and groan, mumble and grumble, and generally tear each other - and life - to absolute ribbons, in a veritable 'pea-souper' of cataclysmic negativity.

In what's been seen as a merciful concession to the braindead, the Vic has been told it can stay open on Mondays from 8pm until 8:30pm, and on Tuesdays from 7:30pm until 8pm.

This, say government ministers, is more than enough exposure to the almost-endless trouble-and-strife of trying to stay alive and eke-out an existence in modern-day Britain, where the show is set.

Landlord of the Queen Vic, Mick Carter, who had threatened to leave the pub in a bid to help his wife, Linda, in her battle against alcoholism, has been asked to reconsider his position by the prime minister.

Summoned to Downing Street yesterday, Mick and Linda were implored by Mr. Johnson to:

"think of the nation's plight, stand firm, and give it one more go until we get this bloody virus under control."

Mick told the PM that he'll do his best, but can't promise anything after next Christmas.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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