Australia Rejects Trump's Offer of Support

Written by Erskin Quint

Thursday, 9 April 2020

image for Australia Rejects Trump's Offer of Support
"We've spoken to them in a language that nobody even understands and we'll see what happens."

Australia has rejected US President Donald Trump's offer to send help to wombats stricken by the recent bush fires.

Following the news of the bush fires, Trump told a press briefing that he had instructed unnamed companies to contact Australia in order to help the wombats.

"We were so sad to see that these wombats were in trouble. They're a very good friend of mine. And a friend to our nation.

"But when you're in a fire, that gets serious. I've seen them on Facebook. They're great allies, such great partners of ours. They're so strong, they never give up, they keep on clinging to those Eco-ullipus, Ecolypticus, Euco-, those big trees. They're really big trees. But it's not just size, they're genius. They never quit, they never give up. But when you're on fire, that gets pretty serious.

"We've made tremendous progress with therapeutics. We're working with Sydney. Four companies. I had a fantastic call. I've spoken to two of the leading companies, the brilliant companies, there's four of them, I've spoken to two, - ebola, AIDS, other stuff - they've come up with incredible solutions.

"There are four companies. They've done incredible jobs and I've asked them to contact Sydney. They talk in a language nobody understands. But I understand something: they've really advanced therapeutics therapeutically. They're major companies but they're more than major, more than size, they're genius.

"They've got offices in Sydney that have got everything they need. I've asked them to contact Sydney. They're already there. They're ready to go but they're already there, and I've asked them to contact Sydney. There are two of them and I've spoken to four. They're ready to go. They're brilliant companies. They've done a terrific job.

"I've asked them to contact Sydney immediately, and they have arrived in Sydney already. They've got offices that have everything and they're already there so they don't need to go anywhere but I've asked them to go anyway. We're doing a great job. They're ready to go, and they're already there.

"There are two of them, and I had a fantastic talk with four of them today, and they speak in a language that nobody even understands.

"We've spoken to the wombat doctors. I think they're the Flying Doctors although they don't fly, but they've got planes and they can fly. They're out there. Out in back. Out in the outback they're out there.

"We've spoken to them in a language that nobody even understands, and we'll see what happens."

A spokesman for the wombats said yesterday: "any treatment for the wombats is a matter for the Australian authorities and took place many weeks ago. Most of them are now confined in special reserves where they are well on the way to becoming alcoholic bludgers and burdens on the state like their Abo mates.

"If you are saying that the President is offering support, then we are grateful for that, though we were unable to understand his statement as it seemed to be in a language incomprehensible to intelligent life-forms. Perhaps he was aiming at a different audience."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more