Jokes

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All jokes submitted by j.w..

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Up the Junction

Two men in pub....

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Goose joke

What did you say to the bare footed goose?...

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Goose joke

What do you say to a bare footed goose?...

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My Birthday Meal

My wife told me as a great favour I could have my Birthday Meal wherever I liked....

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Mopping up exercise

The remnants of the disbanded Geographical Correctness League have now left their offices to find other employmnet....

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The end of the GCL

Ms Print, Chair of the Geographical Correctness League has been told that the organisation must cease. The Minister of Culture Jeremy Prune (previously known as Plum) says he has run out of wriggle room...

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GCL Sensastion

A sensational development at the Geographical Correctness League has resulted in the resignation of the Chair. Ms Took, told reporters today that she was mistook in some of her decisions regarding name...

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Geography going over the top

I can hardly believe it but the Geographiucal Correctness League (GCL), which emerged from the ruins of the GLC, has now started on names of Towns after straightening out some countries new names. Blackpool...

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Madness

The Geographical Correctness League (GCL)are so pleased with me that that have asked for my views on changes for Madagascar and Madeira. Mad is clearly an offensive word. I came up with Bananas Land but a Banana...

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Geographical Correctness

Trouble from the Geographical Correctness League. They couldnt accept Isle of Person for Isle of Man. However Isle of Person/daughter was allowed. Consideration was given to Isle of Perdaughter/son, but...

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What's in a Name?

Efforts are being made to clean up the Geography of Britain and the world. To begin with the Isle of Man is a name that cannot continue as it is blatantly sexist. In future it will be called Isle of Person....

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You're driving me crazy

My wife cant drive. Youre lucky. My wife is driving me crazy. Of course, being unable to drive doesnt stop her telling me how to drive and complaining any time I get something slightly wrong. My wife is always...

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Long Way to Go

In Irelands fair isle a major experiment in biology produced an extraordinary specimen, a cross between a rabbit and a canary. They called it a Rary. However the Church in Ireland took a dim view of scientists meddling...

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Good intentions

Man in Pub: Those blokes over there said youre not their friend anymore. Friend: I dont give a shit. You criticised their idol Maggie. Good job too. Youll be cricising dear old Winnie next. 1945. What about it? Best...

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Bad Times

Man in Pub : After this Pint Ive got owt for nowt. Friend: I havent got a bean. Stony broke. Not a brass farthing. Not two pennies to rub together. But were better off than that bloke over there, drinking himself to death....

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My Love

Romantic Gentleman to his dearest : My love is like a red red Rose Down to earth Miss: Not going to last long, then....

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Walking into a Bar

What did the man say when he walked into a Bar? I dont know, tell me what the man said when he walked into a Bar. OUCH!...

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Stiff times

Stiff and nonsense. That is the problem. Rigidity is at the root of it. I had a cast iron alibi but my unbending attitude did me in. I wish I could have been more flexible. But the stiff remained, evidence...

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Uplifting experience

RAF Pilot - I get an uplifting experience every time I go in my cockpit. No 2 - Do you like a solo flight? I prefer it when we have three. Not long before youre in heaven? Ill say. My rear gunner is a great...

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Shifted or shafted

Ive been shifted. You mean shafted. No Ive been moved. Was it good? I feel much the same. Like most of us. Have you been shifted? All over the place. My, you get moved a lot then. I had one top shelf experience....

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More pricks

Will you ring my ding a ling? Hey Dick. Ring your own damn bell Youre a jerk Skin and bones to you, mate Look cock. Dont arouse me. Just watch it! Man watch that stupid dick. You have nothing between your legs then?...

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Prick Jokes

Man: Something always comes up when I am with you. Woman: I thought it was your mobile phone. Woman: Why are you so hard on me? Man: Because you are so sexy. Wife: Hows your old man? Husband: Hes as tough as nails....

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What drivel

With customary kindness my wife described my contributions to the Spoof as DRIVEL. Unfortunately I misheard the heart warming encouragement and heard the word DRIBBLE. My hearing is not quite what it was. I left my...

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The Last knock

Knock knock Whos there Jack Jack who Jack of your car Whos that? Abby Abby who? Westminster Abby Whos that? Mark Mark who? Mark time Whos that Stu Stu who? Stu and dumplings Whos that? Vince Vince who? Convince...

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