I visited a friend of mine last night....
A psychiatrist on his way from Princeton to Harvard for his annual spring medical school reunion got into his BMW one morning, put the roof down, and inserted his favorite Glen Campbell CD. As Wichita...
Yesterday I went to the Sewage Treatment workers award. There were people dressed up in Tuxedoes and fancy dresses, there was champagne, and canapes and an 80s themed disco. It felt exactly like it...
What did a drummer name his four daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4. Who spends a lot of time with musicians? A drummer. Why is a drum machine easier to use than a drummer? With a drum machine,...
Why does the blond Russian President ride around on a horse shirtless? You only have so much sunlight in Russia to get a tan with. Why did the blonde Russian President attack the country next to him? It...
A man walks into a crowded bar, and he immediately gets trapped on a staircase that appears to be going both up and down at the same time. Panicked, the man yells for help. The bartender shakes his head...
Bill Gates, former supremo at Microsoft, has admitted adding microchips to Covid vaccines. This comes after a year and a half of denials. Apple have kept quiet up until now, but not to be outdone, they...
IKEA have published their plan to sanction Russia for the illegal invasion of Ukraine. Were simply going to take six pieces out of each box. Itll drive them potty, said Sven Svenson, head of Swedish Sanction...
“Limburger Festival This Weekend” (Sign in front of the local Knights of Columbus.) Flashback to Dad’s Limburger cheese, in a corner of the fridge, wrapped in silver foil which he occasionally pulls out and...
Thats it. Thats the joke. Funny, and sad. The Republicans will go nuts for a week or so about -- is he healthy enough to lead, dont we have an Amendment about that (do you Americans have an Amendment for everything?...
A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said I’ve always wanted to have sex with a little person. The dwarf replied, I’m sorry, but I’ve had women say that before, then I go home with them...
Choose life. Your mother did. (Unless, of course, your mother discovered, at 16, that she was pregnant, so she terminated her pregnancy in order to pursue her dream of getting a law degree, so that she could send you to...
Quoth the Raven: “Nope.” Quoth the Raven: “Ah hell no!” Quoth the Raven: “Nuh-uhn.” Quoth the Raven: “Never have so many done something so something for so few somethings … or something – where’s my rum?” Quoth the Raven:...
Birds near the sea are called Seagulls What are birds near the Bay called? Bagels What you should do? Eat bagels near the bay? See seagulls near the sea? Birds around the rivers, sea and bay Too many gulls Too many birds...
A guy goes to the DMV to renew his drivers licence and get an new photo, but the line-up is long. It takes nearly an hour and a half before its his turn, and the whole process is rushed. He gets his photo and is appalled that...
Four co-workers are drinking at a bar when the alcohol begins to loosen them up and soon theyre revealing work secrets. The first guy reveals, Ive taken money out of petty cash a few times. Maybe five or six times. Almost $500....
Three clowns walk into a bar. The bartender sighs, shakes his head, and says, “Parliament’s the next block over.” Speaking as one, the clowns reply, “Our mistake.” Then they leave....
The Easter Bunny hopped up to the Pope and said, “Hey there, Your Holiness, do you like chocolate?” The Pope, who loved all things except women, gays, paying taxes, and people from all other religions plus atheists, said, “Hell yeah,...
On an Easter egg hunt, I found a magic egg. Opening it up, I found a tiny Jesus. He said, “For freeing me from my egg prison, I shall grant you three wishes. But you must ask them all at once, no thinking, whatever comes to mind right...
Three politicians all in a row. Two were being sodomized, while the third (the man in front) was having sex with a Doberman. The back two politicians cease and desist their anal thrusting to tell the third, “Will you please do something...
Two nuns were having a 69 in the church’s rectory (whatever that is – sounds naughty though) when a priest walks in, holding his crotch, looking like he has to pee. The nuns stop feeding on each other and tell the priest, “The little boy’s room...
Disney Cruises are now stopping at Jeffrey Epstein’s private island. There, kids and their parents will enjoy games and rides like: the naked water slide, naked bouncy castle, naked go-carts, naked pin-the-tail-on-Mickey, naked dance club, naked...
The rights and privileges guaranteed by the American Constitution have withstood slavery, Indian Wars, the illegal invasions of many countries, assassination of democratic leaders to be replaced by puppet...
Two Aliens walk into a bar. The bartender moans: “Not these guys again!” They drink heavily and get more belligerent as the bar fills up with human patrons. The insults begin: “Hey, Earth people, are you...
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