CNN to Become "Premiere Propaganda Source" of America

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Thursday, 28 March 2019

image for CNN to Become "Premiere Propaganda Source" of America
CIA will get to use CNN satellites.... Save money!

NEW YORK - CNN is rebranding itself to reverse its ratings decline. In 2018, the "news network" experienced a 41% loss on its Primetime Viewership numbers. The label "Fake News" has stuck to CNN after President Trump repeatedly criticized their "journalism" for omission of facts, as well their use of Unverified, Anonymous, "Reliable Insider" Sources. Part of the solution to poor television market-share involves an "Intimate Relationship" with the CIA.

"Trust Us, the Government Says So" ... is the most likely slogan for the re-invented network.

Comprehensive Collectivist Cable Propaganda (CCCP) - The new name for CNN reflects an acknowledgement of their unspoken agenda which has been going on for more than a decade. The majority of Americans may not be aware of "Collectivist" being a synonym for political ideologies such as Progressive, Socialist, Liberalism, and Marxist. CIA sponsors of the TV network change like using the term "Collectivist", because it fits with traditions of Dis-Information where Americans have no idea about many subversive political movements since Karl Marx published his "Communist Manifesto" in 1848. Due to trademark issues related to "CCCP", the network will still identify itself as "CNN".

The CIA could benefit from this new "Collaborative Effort" more than the CNN brand name.

The number one mission of the CIA in 2016 was to put Hillary Clinton in the White House. The failure of the agency in the 2016 Election is described throughout the Intelligence Community as the "Single Most-Epic-Cluster-F*CK of Incompetence in an Unaccountable Surveillance-State Bureaucracy." Of course, the CIA claimed that the NSA failed in its role to provide them with unlimited material to use in Blackmail and Extortion Operations.

The CIA is under intense pressure to "get things done" after a defiant break from acting as a subordinate agency to the Illuminati. Some of the "young punks" like James Clapper and John Brennan thought that having a "Smart-Phone", or keeping a "Favorite" URL to Google, was enough to qualify as a Super-Spy. However, the "Old School" traditions of the Illuminati embraced complexity and chaos as fundamental to the ways of the world, where Machiavellian tactics brought an invisible order to corrupt halls of power. Quite some time ago, the CIA fell into a trap of self-adoration, and always taking "the easy way out" (like the Celebrity Rich Kids' College Admissions). Creating a merger with CNN to restore credibility in both organizations seems to explain recent behavior of those involved.

The writers and editorial staff of Pravda in Russia are reported to be in a decade-long sense of mediocrity, and feeling as if their jobs serve no purpose.

Andrzej Leizinov (Pravda Columnist): "Every day, I would try to write something terrible about America, but before my article could make it to print, I would always find out that Democrats in DC would say even more horrible things than I had.... Every time that I smeared Capitalism with some fabricated accusation, Bernie Sanders made even more outlandish claims. When the daily run of Pravda would come off the presses, we staff members often tortured ourselves by comparing our work to CNN, MSNBC, and the press releases of Democrat Candidates running for US President in 2020. They made us feel like a bunch of Ronald Reagans."

Former employees from the CIA and Department of Justice are set to appear on CNN as "Contributors", and unconfirmed reports expect Current Intel Agents to pose as many of the future "Experts" which provide "Analysis" for CNN. Some names are well-known even now.

  • John Brennan - Conducted spy operations against US Senate computers with assets from the CIA - AND THEN LIED TO CONGRESS ABOUT IT.
  • James Clapper - Used NSA Surveillance and Recording on nearly all Telephone-using Americans - AND THEN LIED TO CONGRESS ABOUT IT.
  • Rod Rosenstein - Offered to "Wear a Wire" (Surveillance without Warrant) as pretense for 25th Amendment removal of President Trump.

Guest "Experts" on CNN are likely to include the agents who were responsible in the following:

  • Promoted Military Action against Libya, destroying its government, and turning the failed state into a Major Base of Terrorist Operations
  • Briefed White House on ISIS Terror Group as a "JV Team that couldn't qualify in Pro Leagues" (before they took over much of Iraq and Syria)
  • Gave "LOW" Threat Level to Benghazi, saying region has "Protests by Kids - Bad Internet Video as Top Concern of Population" (before a US Ambassador was killed there, and diplomatic facilities were burned to the ground)
  • Briefed White House on Russian Invasion of Crimea as "Friendly Effort by Russia to Provide International Aid to Nation with Politician Shortage"
  • Told VP Joe Biden that "Yemen and Somalia could become the top foreign policy successes of the Obama Administration" (before they fell into complete civil war)

The use of disguises and fake identities for the "guests" is expected to make it seem like the viewpoint of the CIA is supported by hundreds of "Independent Professionals in the Global Community." Only "BAD" people disagree with the CIA.

Recently, a French Research Group observed that Penis Enhancement Ads have MORE News Value (Bio-Technology Advancements) than the typical "Evening News" in America, because the US TV Networks tend to act as Confirmation Bias to either Leftist-Entertainment, or Right-Wing-Entertainment, or some other "Viewpoint-Porn." Among people who are attempting to predict the future, it appears almost none of them see Legitimate News on "Channel-based Video Broadcasts" (aka. TV Networks).


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more