SCANDAL - "College Admission" Replaces Skull and Bones

Written by Zabdgrov667

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

image for SCANDAL - "College Admission" Replaces Skull and Bones
She's a "Double-D" Student ... accepted at Princeton U.

NEW HAVEN, CT - News of a college bribery scandal involving Hollywood celebrities and super-wealthy corporate executives has Americans stunned. Of course, there are other people who expect Ivy League Universities to give special treatment to elites and their children, while screwing incredibly talented students who worked hard but did not have any "Insider Connections."

Unfortunately, the really old and crusty Skull and Bones' members in the DC halls of power are Super-Pissed that "kids" are cheating their way into the Elitist Institutions which rule over the "masses of inferior Americans."

Typically, the highest ranks of the FBI, the CIA, the US Senate, and The Fed come from the "Ivy League" system of schools. What most people do not know is that most of these universities are running as a front for Skull and Bones. Saying that "anyone can become President" is a Big Lie (but everyone with Common Sense already knows that).

The FBI is threatening to sentence Hollywood Celebrities to 20 years in prison for cheating on admissions for their children.

Geraldo Rivera (Journalist, FOX News): "The Federal Government is going after these people like they were Nazi War Criminals. The same Federal Agents yawn when teen girls are used as Sex Slaves by Human Trafficking Gangs. The same Federal Agents shrug their shoulders when they accidentally find some Drug Cartel with several tons of Heroin.... This should send a clear message to everyone - PEOPLE WHO CHEAT ON COLLEGE EXAMS ARE SCUM AND DESERVE MAFIA-STYLE DEATH."

There are some (like anonymous sources in the Illuminati) who think the "US Department of Justice" has different reasons for their harsh prosecution of those involved in the College Admissions Cheating Scandal. Could JEALOUSY be the reason why?

Most of the Gray-Hair, Narcissistic, Authoritarian Bureaucrats of the DC Ruling Class "had it tough" at Yale, or Harvard, or Princeton, but not the way the politicians want you to think. Their Algebra wasn't harder than other schools. Their English grammar was essentially the same as any college, except for the focus on Condescending, Sophist Rhetoric.

Cricket-Paddle-Spanking ... Ball-Shaving ... Tabasco-Sinus-Douche - Typical Frat-Boy acts of Hazing, and countless assorted forms of peer humiliation. Joe Biden may not have been the "brightest crayon in the box", but he was willing to "Deep-Tongue-Kiss" a Goat for a whole hour as a Skull and Bones pledge. Politicians may not have the Math Skills to balance a Checkbook, and they may not have the Common Sense of working Americans, but they have the "Selfless Depravity", Duplicity, and Perverted Electioneering that the Military-Industrial-Complex is glad to see in a Vice President, or any other powerful government position.

Skull and Bones used to be the Gatekeeper to Political Power by insuring that the "right people" got an Ivory Tower Certification to put on a resume. No one can reach the top-tier in DC without the "right pedigree" (like Kennedy, Bush, or Rothschild), which includes the Neo-Feudal Aristocracy of Wall Street. Anyone with a Masters Degree or PHD from a University of the "Unwashed Peasant Commoners" has no business ruling a country, even with "Straight-A's" in Math, Economics, Philosophy, and Public Speaking.

The FBI has to act now, and act forcefully. Should a REALLY Hot MILF be allowed to get her children into institutions that Wall Street and DC insist are the "sign of enlightenment and legitimacy to the throne"?

The relevance of the Skull and Bones is in decline. College Admission through "clever tricks" may soon replace them as the gatekeeper to who becomes the next US President.... If the erosion of Elitist Political Control continues, there may come a day in America when the US President, the Senate Majority Leader, and the Speaker of the House are people with intelligence, competence, or even moral virtue.

With the help of the FBI, maybe the Skull and Bones can maintain its proper (shadowy) place in the American power structure of Washington DC.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more